Loud Mouth of the South

Hello all from Oscar night in front of my tv,

Award season really is the best. It makes me feel like I want to be one of those movie stars. If only I had been born in LA instead of little ole Baker County.

So, this blog is a bit of a serious one. I normally try to portray myself in a positive light while still remaining true to myself. However, this post is slightly defaming. It very well may make you see me differently. I hope not though because everyone makes mistakes. I will say, this was a pretty bad no no.

I have this class called Family and Public Policy. It is supposed to be about learning the policies our government has in place for families and children on a state and national level. Well, I don't particularly enjoy this class, in fact I pretty much dread going to it. I think it is a combination of the fact that I am not interested in this specific area of study and the fact that it is at 9:30 in the morning. Compared to waking up after noon every other day of the week, 9:30 is a killer. On the whole, I just really don't like this class.

Last Tuesday, I was walking into my Pre Practicum class when I saw my friend Sarah Paul sitting outside in the hallway. I decided to say hello to her and we started talking about what I was doing. She asked what I was there for and I told her I had class in a few minutes (more like an hour, I showed up way early by mistake). SP proceeded to ask me what other Family and Child Sciences classes I was taking this spring. This is where the trouble begins:

"I have this stupid class called Family and Public Policy with Dr. Coco Reddick, and I hate everything about it. I feel like it is a waste of my time," I said rolling my eyes with clear disgust and loathing in my tone. Sarah and I continued chatting about it when a blonde girl sitting against the wall looked up and said, "Her office is right there."

I tried to quiet it down and play it off, but at that point, there was no saving myself. About that time, Dr. Reddick comes out from her office and strides towards where we were talking (suddenly we are all silent). Although I am trying desperately not to look at her, there is no denying she is emotional.

"I just thought I would step out and see who my little fan club consisted of," Dr. Reddick says. I can't help but look up at her now. But what I see is not what I expect. I was ready to see an angry face with flustered cheeks and a vein about to pop on her forehead like it happens in the cartoons. So I was completely taken aback when I saw pure sadness in its rawest form.

I had deeply offended and upset this woman. For a few seconds I considered running away as fast as my legs could carry me, but I was glued to the spot as I watched her walk away wounded. I was about to say goodbye to Sarah when she came back down the hallway and said, "Which one of you needs to see me?" Neither of us say a word but she stands there expectantly and asks me, "Is it you dear?" I say no but instead of her just walking away she pats my shoulder and says, "No dear, I think you do."

I tucked invisible tail between my legs and slumped behind her into her office. Sweat was already starting to bead on my brow when I sat shakily down into my chair. I mean, I had just insulted a woman who has total control of my grades and also knows all the other professors within my college so, naturally, I was about to faint.

I could see that I had really upset this poor woman. I hadn't meant to at all. But I did. She had tears welling up in her eyes so I did the only thing I could do, and that was to say how truly sorry I was. I apologized over and over and said how sorry I was for hurting her feelings. She said that her feelings were not hurt, her face said different.

Instead of yelling at me and threatening my academic future, she asked me if there was anyway she could help me or change my mind about the class. I was completely mind blown! How could I have been so heartless and cruel when she was so kind? She obviously cares about her students because she wanted to take one who just got through trashing her in the worst way possible and change her mind about the class. I am such a jerk sometimes. She tells me she could pick my voice out from the others and knew it had been me who said it. Me and my big mouth.

I told her the truth, or as much as I could without killing her emotionally. I explained that I was in a crummy mood and that I just didn't enjoy the class. It doesn't hold an interest for me, I tell her. For a second, she looks more offended and perhaps she is because she says, "Do you not care about what is going on in the world around you?"

I go on to tell her I don't watch the news anymore because it is nothing but people killing innocent children and blowing up movie theatres with assault rifles. Her face softens a bit, like she understands. I continue on telling her that the fact that I am not a morning person may have a little influence on the reason I do not care for the class. Somehow, this turns into a therapy session and I open up to this woman and tell her I am just tired of school in general. I mean let's be honest, I have been in school for 15 years now and I am over it. The fact that I have three more years is even more daunting. I persist that it is not her that I do not like. Honestly, I am very fond of her because of her light tone and enthusiasm. She may be the nicest teacher I have had here.

I continue by telling her that I don't like that there is nothing to follow along with in the class. I am not asking for a slide by slide powerpoint presentation of exactly what she is saying in lecture because that is boring but I need something visually stimulating so I can feel connected with what we are talking about. Amidst the cons of the class, I throw in a pro that I really enjoy most of the guest speakers that we have had, especially the two lesbian women who came in. They were really hilarious and I think touched every heart in that class. I tell her that I have never had a guest speaker in any of my other classes and that I enjoy hearing from experts in their field. After that, I wrap it up with another bout of apologies and how I will try to look at the class in a different light.

Amongst all the heavy stuff, we talk about where we are both from and we figure out that we are two southern belles. She is from Brunswick and I from hicktown nowhere. She was very interested in me and asked questions about what I wanted to do with my life after college. I tell her I want to be a physical therapist when I grow up, but I am absolutely horrified that I won't make it and that I am kind of clueless on how to get there. To my surprise, she offered to help me in any way she could. She thanked me for being truthful with her and for coming to talk with her and that a lot of other people would have just walked away. She called me brave. WOW. I totally didn't deserve that compliment.

This just goes to show you what a good person looks like. Someone totally crap talks you and your class and you extend a helping hand to that same person? Probably not what I would have done had I been in her shoes. If I was her, I would have pulled out my roster and marked a huge red F by my name and doodled devil horns on my picture beside my name.

The moral of this story is be careful what you say. You never know who is listening. The person you are talking about could be mere feet away from you and you could hurt them very badly. Everyone knows what it is like walk into a room and know someone was just talking about you, and not the, "she's so beautiful" way. It is the worst feeling in the world, so to actually hear it is even more catastrophic. You never know what someone is going through and your harsh words could push someone over the edge both literally and metaphorically. Be kind to others always, do it while you can. There may not be a tomorrow to apologize.