It's Time

Hello once again, I was pleased to see that my friends responded well to my first post on my first attempt at being a blogger. People who I felt might not be interested in it at all actually read it so I am really excited to try my hand at this once again. This might only be a handful of people who read it, but to me that's a pretty good start. As I have said, I don't know where this path leads but I am interested to see it all unfold. If it could become something really big, that's great. If not, I will be perfectly happy with entertaining my friends with stories of my fortune and misfortune alike.

First, I'd just like to say that I have wonderful friends. Cassie, Destiny, Kim, and Sarah, you are all awesome and so inspiring. Thank you all for texting me this morning with words of encouragement and ideas. Now, I don't want anyone out there reading this to think I only have four friends because I am a weirdo who hides in her closet to make skin sombreros. Not that having only four friends is a bad thing. I am pretty sure I could survive the rest of my life if these ladies were the only ones beside me. In fact, I could probably take over a few third world countries with their help if I had Hitler blood in my family line. But I don't. I have pointed them out because they are the closest to me, I love them dearly, and I will forever hold them close to my heart. Whoa, I really need to chill out with the Sappy Sally crap. At least one of them has to be crying right now, so I apologize to their mascara. Actually, they are all a bunch of hard asses with the exception of Cassie when she is watching Say Yes to the Dress Special Stories. Then it's all tears and OMGs.

To everyone else who read it or at least pretended like they did, THANK YOU! One friend in particular went a little too far. Kim saw fit to set up an event page thing on Facebook to announce that I would be doing live shows of this blog with the help of Destiny. I would really love to see myself doing an interpretive dance of some of these topics I have floating around in my head. It would probably be a bigger hit than the Gangnam Style superstar on YouTube. On a serious note, my interpretive dancing skills are equivalent to the musical stylings of William Hung. If you do not know who William Hung is, I suggest you crawl out of the 20 foot under bunker you have been in for the past 5 American Idol seasons and breathe in the horrible auditions like they are fresh air. Also, the only sign language I know is from my earliest memory of Cassie. She did a speech in the 5th grade about sign language and I learned that if you make a fist and show it coming up out of your other hand and then spreading your fingers, it means "grow." I feel this is an appropriate sign since it looks like a tree, and as we all know, trees do in fact grow. As great of a word "grow" is, it will not cover everything. So I do apologize citizens of Sanderson, Taylor, and Baxter, you will not be receiving that discount after all.

But Kim also suggested something else. I told her I wanted to keep it the tone of this blog light for a little while before I got into some of the heavy stuff. She said, "Seriously, Cara I think you should write about whatever you're thinking about. And don't worry about sticking to a mood of funny or serious. Whatever you write will be amazing- and I am not just saying that because I am your manager." By the way, Kim and Destiny are already arguing over manager positions and are debating on a split of 70/30 of any profits this thing could bring in. For one, I do not know how to make money off these things so I think the profits will likely be 0/0. For two, y'all are awesome for thinking this will be successful. So in light of Kim's words of inspiration, I feel it is time for a particularly horrible story to be told. A dear friend of mine told me today that her boyfriend broke off their relationship the day before. My heart hurts for you girl, it sucks big oxen balls. But you are a B-E-A-UTIFUL bombshell of a woman and you will go far with or without him.

So, without further ado, I am going to tell you a story I promised I would never tell another soul because it embarrassed me to the core. I mentioned in my last post that I had a boyfriend who broke up with me because I don't look like my fifteen year old self anymore. I'd like to revise this statement because really, I am sugarcoating it. I broke up with Bryant because he told me I was fat and he was too much of a coward to break up with me himself. Let me tell you folks, there isn't any amount of tobacco to take the sting out of that one. That is on a level of being stung by 100 African killer bees. I have never actually been stung by 100 African killer bees, but I imagine those few seconds someone would live would be dreadfully painful. Ha, I am way too dramatic for my own good.

I think what's worse though is that I already knew. He would get so frustrated with me when I asked him what was wrong or why he only peck kissed me or why he wanted to go straight to bed when he got home from work instead of having some time together and talking.

The kissing got me the most though. It's what I like to do best. I like the kisses where you go all Freshman year on it. You know the ones I am talking about, where you are sitting with your boyfriend on the couch afraid to even hold his hand because your dad is sitting on the opposite couch, with a beer and a mad look in his eye, watching you watching the tv, but he suddenly gets up to go to the store or to the bathroom and suddenly you are on each other like butter on Honey Boo Boo's mom's Thanksgiving turkey. If you haven't watched Honey Boo Boo, you are not living my friends. It's worth a few laughs and awkward OMGs. Eh, that was a disgusting simile. Let's go with you are all over each other like bees on honey. Bees are cropping up a lot here tonight. Must be craving Medicine Man Wildflower honey.

Anyways, I knew something was up and we got into several arguments about it. I mean seriously, you have the opportunity to stay with your girlfriend every single night unsupervised for a whole summer and you peck kiss her?! I knew he was either gay or he wasn't attracted to me anymore. Although the first was highly probable, I went with the latter. Now, I know I do not look like I used to in my cheerleading days. I packed on quite a few pounds towards the end of them that I am currently trying to lose. Let me be the first to tell you, it is freaking hard! I hate it, but I would like to have the bumbum (Brazilian slang equivalent to Trace Adkins "badonkadonk) that I once did, because it was fabulous and I miss it.

Most everyone knows that I go to Florida State University (GOOOO NOLES!) and Bryant stayed in Macclenny. All we really had to go on was phone conversations and the every once in a while weekend visits. After that summer, I returned back to school and I tried to push that creeping feeling that it was over out of my mind. But then the phone calls became few and far between. My breaking point was on a weekday. I was driving down the road to school and I called to talk to him. I just kinda wanted to hear his voice and see what he was up to, which was nothing so I knew he could talk. I talked for about ten minutes straight without him saying a single word. Not even a mmhm or oh thrown in there to appease me. Finally, I asked him if he was still there. He replied that he was. When I asked him why he wasn't saying anything, he mumbled that he just really didn't like to talk on the phone anymore. I got angry and said, "Don't you know that phone calls are all we really have right now?" He didn't have anything to say so I hung up on him. We didn't talk for a week.

I am ending here for the night because I am suddenly interested in this Casey Anthony reenactment that is on Lifetime. I hope she rots in Hell for that baby girl. I will continue tomorrow with more on this matter. Thank you London, Goodnight! I have always really wanted to say that.