Hazard to your Health

Hello all from the loft,

This is the name I have bestowed upon my humble housing accommodations in Glen. The loft is a one bedroom apartment stacked neatly on top of my barn. Yes, I do have a barn. I practically grew up in it. This probably has something to do with the way I act now. You know that old saying, "...must have been raised in a barn!"? Indeed, this applies to me. I had a room for all my horse tack and gear that I called my "office" and I would spend hours in there hiding from my Papa or Dad when I was mad at them. I used to tell them I was going to live out there. I probably would have, too, if Papa would have put a bed out there like he said he was going to. I think he didn't because he knew I really would stay out there.

Actually, I have two nicely sized homes that I could stay in, three if you count my Mom's in Jacksonville, but I choose to stay up here like a cardinal in her nest. I'm not sure why I picked the cardinal as my soul bird. Maybe because my Grandma likes them? What's your soul bird?

I told myself I was going to hold off on the lovey dovey crap for a few days, but given the things that I continue to see on Facebook... Well, I just feel it is necessary to discuss when you become a hazard to yourself, particularly to your heart.

I am a sucker for love. I believe in it and its potent powers to the fullest. It is one of the strongest forces that this world encompasses. This must be why it hurts so darn bad when love goes awry. This has to be why we equate breaking things when love goes wrong. It is so fierce, it can break you.

Typically, I say it is the person who does the hurting who is at fault. After all, you didn't ask to have your feelings crushed like ice for a Sno-cone. No, you didn't. However, I think it is safe to say that after you're waist deep in the bull crap, after countless chances, and 6th 3rd strikes, the heartache that don't stop hurting is now on your own shoulders.

I would like to start by saying, there is always that one guy/gal that you do stupid stuff for. For example, driving to your hometown that is 2 and a half hours away at 2 in the morning after you just worked an eight hour shit, uh.. I mean shift, just to cuddle and play guitar hero. However, let's not confuse this with acting stupid over someone. Acting stupid over someone is when the heartache becomes your own fault. These are the some of the ways that I try to not "act stupid."

When someone tells you that they never want to talk to you again, do NOT, I repeat do NOT: text, call, sign, talk, signal via smoke, send Hedwig with a message, or whatever form of communication you choose, this person. Especially, do not do it first. This person may have made a mistake in saying this. Now, how someone accidentally says don't talk to me again, I really don't know. That's like saying you accidentally took a whole bottle of Tylenol.... They didn't just walk up your nose. Perhaps tempers were running high and it just slipped out, they didn't really mean it. But when you call someone or make the first move after they have said this to you, you are basically saying, "Hey, that's okay! You totally just ran over me like a deer on the interstate but I am willing to forget about it." Good for you for attempting to be the "bigger person" but really it just makes you look like the bigger fool. It is the job of the person who said they never want to see you again to realize that their life is nothing without your awesome self and that they are miserable and will beg at your feet to get you back if you deem it necessary. If not, move on.

Can we talk about this break thing? Okay, the term break is what we use as a get out of a relationship free card. By free I mean emotionally free from the inevitable break down from the dumpee. I mean, nobody wants to see someone else cry, that's sadistic. 99% of the time someone who wants a break wants a few weeks to chill out before he/she starts up a new relationship with the person they have been talking to on the side. It is not just the men who use this nifty tactic. Yes, women pull out the break card, too. We aren't innocent. I have whipped mine out a few times. I feel like a jerk about it, but at the time I was afraid I would hurt the person's feelings. But giving someone that hope, that small flicker of a flame when you know you aren't ever coming back from your break is far more wicked and cruel than just giving them a nice clean break up. It may suck at the time, for both people really. Nobody wants to see someone have a freak out and cry. If someone is telling you they want a break, do yourself a favor and just call it quits then. What most likely will happen is not something you want to stick around for.

Stop reading their social networking outlets. No Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram, no blog (you know, for all my secret lovers out there). Do yourself some good and cut off all ties unless you are really over them. I refuse to add people to my means of social communication because of the simple fact that I do not want to see if they are having a great life without me. Because really, what if they are? How are you going to feel after you see something like an ex partying it up on a white sand beach with a beautiful new someone somewhere while you wallow in your robe with your new boyfriends Ben and Jerry? Not good, I'd imagine. If you can look at them, and smile instead of saying over and over that you are fine, congratulations, you are over it. If you can't, well you aren't ready to look at their stuff.

Quit being miserable! If you sit at home watching the Notebook and listening to old sad songs while wearing his old tshirt, you are never going to feel any better.I would say his/her t-shirt but boys really shouldn't wear their gf's tees. It's a bit strange. Go out and make new friends or just hang out with the tried and true ones who are already in your circle. Embrace being on your own. I personally have never had a problem with doing things by myself. In fact, I find it quite liberating and exhilarating to do things on my own. My friends think I am weird for going to eat lunch somewhere or to see a movie by myself. It is a little weird, but let's be honest, I am a lot weird. In a good way though. At least I think it is a good way.

I'd like to throw this in, stop whining about it on Facebook. You know, I thought girls would be worse about this, but I am starting to see it is the men who are the virtual whiners. You are supposed to be men for goodness sake! Grow some balls! Quit trash talking your ex, stop posting sad love lyrics, or talking about how lonely you are, just stop! It is not getting you the kind of attention you want from the new prospective women. Yes, we women like to take broken things and nurture them back to health, but not if it is going to bitch about some ex girlfriend every second of the day. It is decently okay for girls to post T. Swift lyrics, but come on guys! Have some backbone! Go out with your buds and drink some Buds if that's what it takes!

I will say, there will be a time and a person where none of this applies, where that tough boy/girl attitude just absolutely fails to stand up for you. You will have a heartbreak that will leave you wanting to go beat down this person's door in the middle of the night and demand a redo. You will call, text, send Hedwig with a letter or try anything to get them to talk to you. You will stalk their Facebook and act like someone who should be on the ID channel. You will post whiny T. Swift lyrics (applicable to girls only, guys should never!). You will not want to leave your room for anything other than food. You will listen to every sad song you can think of and then relate them all to you and your sad life. You will want to tear your hair out and cry and just have a mental breakdown from this particular break up. I have been there. It sucks. That is life. But I can say, you will get through it. Do not stop treading water, the island of relief is closer than you think.

So, don't give those 6th 3rd strikes, don't make excuses for someone who doesn't show any interest in you other than the negative variety. Leave with your head held high and crown firmly in place. After all, your king/queen is out there looking for you too, you don't want to look a mess.