Taylor Swift's Next Platinum Album Right Here

No intro this time, just jumping straight in to finish the Bryant saga.

I woke up from my nap and decided I was going to go back out to Jacksonville to see Wesley again. I was tired of waiting around and moping about something I knew was going to happen. We went out to dinner along with one of his friends Rob to a place called Harpoon Loui's. Best chicken and wild rice soup I have ever eaten! Bryant called me later after he got off work and asked me where I was, I told him I was in Jacksonville. Not a total lie I guess. He asked if I was with my mom, I said yes. Total lie. I felt bad for lying for about two seconds. He had been lying to me for months, every time he told me he loved me. I was on my way home to Macclenny when he called and that's when the cat ripped violently out of the burlap bag. He asked what it was I wanted to talk about anyways. I said us. Forgive me, this is paraphrased as I do not remember exactly my intro to our little falling out, but I remember the important stuff.

"I just don't feel like you are into me anymore. You don't kiss me, you don't touch me, we don't talk. I take off my clothes to change for bed and you just go straight to bed. Something is wrong. You are insulting my intelligence by saying otherwise. You say that there is nothing wrong, but I know that there is. So I need you to tell me right now. Just say it."

After a long pause he said, "Alright. You really want to know the truth?"

"Yes..." It was the moment I had been waiting on. I already knew what he was going to say.

"I just wished you looked like you used to."

While this was all going on, I had stopped for gas. I imagined taking the gas pump and sticking it in my mouth and lighting an imaginary match. I wasn't actually suicidal, my imagination just likes to run with the extremes. I let the words sink in. "I just wished you looked like you used to." I knew what he meant, he wished I wasn't on the heavier side. He wanted me to have my little cheerleader body. Hell, I wanted that too! As I returned the pump to the handle and slid back into my car, I let the silence awaken the dragon within.

"Well, excuse me sir but you don't look like you belong on the front of a GQ magazine yourself. How dare you! I cannot believe you are even saying this. Do you think that I don't want to be skinny again? Do you think I like looking at myself when I look like this? You don't know what it is like to be able to just buy things off the rack and then go to having to try every single thing on! Do you think I like going to the mall with all my friends and watching them just pick stuff up without a second thought!? I have to buy stuff just to not embarrass myself and then I have to take it back when they aren't with me! Who in the hell do you think you are?! I thought you were better than this!"

He just sat on the other end of the line in silence as I went on and on screaming and crying like a mad woman. I knew that he was going to say that he wasn't attracted anymore because I had gained weight. Deep down, I had known for months. But I was hoping he loved me enough to say, "But that's okay baby I love you and I am going to help you. We can go to the gym together, I'll eat salad with you instead of being an asshole and eating 20 chicken nuggets right in front of you because I know you love them so much." It never came though. He just let me go on.

"I can't believe you Bryant. Don't I mean more to you than that?! I love you. Don't you love me? I have been here with you through all of your court sh** and I have been on your side through anything you had going against you. I have done nothing but encourage you and try to get you to go back to school and better yourself. And you don't want me anymore because I am fatter now?! Good luck finding someone who is going to treat you and be there for you like I have. She isn't out there. Do you even love me?"

"Well of course I love you."

"Obviously not if you are letting something like this totally turn you off to our relationship and me."

"Well, I guess you have a point."

"Tell me you want this to work. Tell me you love me and that we can get through this right now. If you have any respect for me you will come over and say something."

Silence. At that moment, I lost every ounce of love I had for him.

"You aren't coming?"

"No, I am afraid you will hit me or something."

WOOOOOOOWWWWW! For the record, he is 6' 3" and I am 5' 3". And he is afraid of me. As if I could really inflict any actual damage.

"You are such a coward Bryant. I don't want this anymore, neither do you so let's just let it be."

I don't exactly remember the ending, the coward part is really all that has stuck with me. At some point I hung up on him. Ultimately, it was over. I am not sure why I wanted him to come over. I think I just felt so alone and I was still looking to him to be my comfort. I was so crazy that it didn't really sink in. I was trying to hate him and still hold on to him at the same time, but only for a split second. He didn't care anymore, why should I? I got home, thought seriously about sleeping in my car, and finally dragged myself up to my room. I left the tears in my car.

The next day I woke up with a lack of an appetite. I had just had someone close to me tell me he no longer wanted to be around me because I was fat. I repulsed him so much that he didn't want to touch me. If he didn't think I was pretty anymore, I wonder who else didn't. I didn't want to eat anything. I was determined not to eat until I lost weight. I would just drink water. Like I said, my imagination sometimes goes one step too far. Then my Nanny called and told me they were cooking lunch. When Nanny cooks, she cooks. And it is sooo delicious. I told Papa I wasn't hungry but he told me Gigi and Papa Joe were coming and that I had to come down.

I trudged over to their house with every intention of not eating. I walked into the kitchen with the smell of amazingness hitting my nostrils. It made my stomach churn. Not because I was hungry, but because the thought of eating and taking in calories made me sick. I watched everyone make their plates and settle down. I just kind of hung around in the back of the line. And then I saw them. My Nanny had cooked White Acre peas. Field peas and White Acre peas are my absolute favorite! I looked at them in the huge pot with a piece of bacon floating around in the middle. They were bubbling and the smell of them made my mouth water. I gave in and put a spoonful on my plate. Which lead to a spoonful of rice and then to a piece of ham.

Had it not been for my Nanny and those peas, I may have subjected myself to unfair bodily abuse. I would have starved myself for as long as I could. The longest I have ever went was when I broke up with my senior year sweetheart. That week, I lived off Coca Cola and water with the occasional saltine cracker. I knew it was possible. I tend to not eat when I am upset or sick because everything normally comes back up anyways. It doesn't have anything to do with weight or because it was over a boy or whatever, just how I have been since I was little. So, thank you for cooking that day Nanny. Love you!

I guess I should really thank Bryant. He has given me everything I need to get myself right and how I want to be. I want to have that butt I used to have and that flat belly that I took for granted. I have been working out and attempting to eat better. It's hard to break old habits. I never had to worry about what I was eating when I was cheerleading and taking extra tumbling classes because I was burning off everything I took in. I do not want to be stick skinny, I never was when I was younger and I don't believe I would look good like that. I'm not framed for stick skinny. My goal is to weigh 130 pounds. When I reach this goal, and I will, I will post my starting weight and before and after pictures.

On a final note, what goes around comes around really is a bitch. Recently, I have noticed pictures of Bryant cropping up on Facebook and all those partying nights at Mavericks appear to be really taking a toll on his body. Particularly in the belly region. Beer bellies don't look good on anyone, not even you sir. Also, his place of employment got demolished by a truck. If that is not a sign, I don't know what is. I believe you can make something out of nothing, but I don't think that applies in his case.

Checkmate, jerk.