Deep Blue Sea

Greetings from my dark quiet room,

I am supposed to be sleeping right now as I have class in about t- minus 7 hours. We have a guest speaker that I was supposed to do research on... that I admittedly did not do. Oh well, I guess she can tell me all about herself tomorrow during her little presentation. I am dreading the morning. Earlier tonight, I went back to the gym for the first time since before the weekend. I know, I know, super lazy. But I worked out for two hours and some change, and when I came home my shirt was soaked with perspiration. My roommate Chelsey wanted to go to Olive Garden and I was starving so I quickly took off my sweat drenched clothes and put on something else. When I took my bra off, it was two totally different colors. I was mystified! I showed Chelsey who thought it was just a two toned bra. No girl! That is my fat weeping because I beat it to death tonight at Cardio Party. I am almost 100 percent positive that I will absolutely without a doubt not be able to move tomorrow. These Tally hills should greet my calves with open arms tomorrow.

My other friend Chelsea and I have decided to go on vacation this spring break to Panama City beach. Neither of us are beach ready (she is, she's hawt fellas!), so we are committing to each other to get ready to break some hearts on the white sandy shores of the coast this summer. After we finished our Cardio Party class, we looked into the mirror and vowed to not look like we did at that moment when we arrived to the beaches. We even shook hands, pinky promised and kissed on it. Not kissed on the mouth you perverts, kissed hands while our pinkies were locked. That is some deep stuff. Like a binding curse or something. I am afraid what will happen if I don't keep my end of the promise, I might get struck down by lightening or eaten by a shark.

Speaking of sharks, I have a pretty funny story to tell. It was not what I was going to go with originally, but since I just said shark and my mind works in weird ways, I'll go ahead with this one. The other one can wait.

Every year before school ends, Discovery Channel presents the scariest small series special ever, Shark Week. Let's talk about this for a minute. Why in the wide world of Africa would you run this special on TV a week before all the little kiddos get out from school and practically trample each other trying to get to the beach? I mean what are they trying to do? I'll bet the Florida Tourism industry doesn't appreciate it very much. They probably all take huge Valiums to get them through the week as people cancel their hotel reservations due to survival of the fittest mode kicking in. Nothing is a bigger turn off to the water than watching someone on Discovery Channel get bitten in half.

Of course, I am a freak and enjoy stuff like this. Not the being bitten in half stuff, just Discovery Channel in general. I turned it on the other night hoping it would be a boring program and that I would be able to study. Bad choice. I ended up sitting on the edge of my seat with my eyes fixated on the screen. You would have thought I was one of the ones who discovered the strip of African rainforest that has yet to be explored, I was so into it. Needless to say, my parenting book sat on the other end of the couch like a teenage boy on his first date with a girl.

I watch Shark Week every year, all day long. I get so hooked. The shows give me awful nightmares sometimes, and then I hate myself for watching them. And for at least a month after, I refuse to get into any kind of water. I'll barely get into my own swimming pool even though the most dangerous thing in there is that freaky little vacuum thing.

Well, I broke my cardinal rule last summer when Destiny insisted that we go to the beach. So, I loaded her, my brother Tyler and He Who Must Not Be Named into my car and we went to Jacksonville beach. I told them on the way there that I was NOT getting in the water. They all told me I was stupid and that nothing was going to happen. Liars.

When we arrived, it was extremely hot and the water looked so inviting. The waves that washed up on the sand were like old friends waving me over for a visit. I became hypnotized and started to walk out into the water. It felt so good on my toes. Ah, what the heck, I thought. We all started a little game of catch with a Nerf football we had brought with us. No sooner than I got knee deep, I felt something. Something= worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

I freaked out and screamed like a lunatic thrashing in the water. Somewhere in my mind I thought, "Oh my, I have been bitten by a shark. That must be what this feels like. I am dying." Destiny swears to this day that I screamed I had actually been bitten and that people looked at me. I hope I didn't. I wouldn't put it past me though, I am way over the top sometimes.

Well I wasn't dying. I didn't see any blood so I started to rationalize that something else had gotten me. Maybe a sting ray or a jellyfish. By this time, my bf came over to get me and he carried me up out of the water. As I was being toted like a child, I looked. Sure enough, I had fallen victim to the vicious "bite" of a jellyfish. I could make out the little warps from where its stingers had touched my flesh. I was freaking out.

The thing about jellyfish venom is it is a neurotoxin, meaning it messes with the nerves in your body. My toes kept curling and uncurling involuntarily and there was a particularly nasty throb going up my thigh too close to some things for my comfort. I was whimpering about it while Dest, Tyler, and he stood around me. I was begging for anything, anything to make it stop. Destiny said for someone to pee on it. My boyfriend said, "Really?" Even though I was not in the mood to play around I proceeded to tease him. I pleaded with him to pee on my foot. After he asked me if I was sure, he proceeded to unzip his bathing suit. Before he could cast out his own line I yelled, "Are you stupid? There are children around! Put that thing away!" Haha, that still makes me laugh. Goes to show you how dumb he was. He was actually going to whip his penis out in front of God and everyone else. I have a terrible sense of humor.

I was so angry at them for making me get into the water. Of course, I went on my own free will, but I like to blame them when I tell this story. They dragged me out there against my better judgement. Terrible people really. Just kidding I love you Dest and Tyler.

I am a very dramatic person, so for the next two weeks I took pictures of it to document my battle scars. It actually looked really cool until my skin started flaking off. That was gross.

Lesson to be learned from this, do not watch Shark Week and get in the water a few days later. Bad things are bound to happen. Also, do not get into water you can't see down into if you are a scaredy cat like me, or just in general don't do it. Thank the Lord Panama City beach has water bluer than the prettiest pair of blue eyes I have ever seen.