Grandpa Dave

Hello all from in front of my television,

I just witnessed something that will probably go down in football history, a black out during the Super Bowl. I am saying it is an Illuminati takeover, Voldemort is about to finally reveal himself to the muggles, or Bane is about to blow the field up. At least I was, until the lights just came back on in the past two minutes. My imagination was running wild. Honestly, I was scared it was going to be some sort of terrorist attack and I was praying that there was a delay on the television so we could avoid seeing it. But it looks like all horrific could be's have be been snuffed out and the game is back on.

I have zero loyalty to any professional football team. I was saying I was going for the Ravens because they were named after Edgar Allen Poe's poem The Raven. Just a little fun fact from my huge base of useless knowledge.

This weekend I spent a lot of time alone. Cassie left to go home and Chelsey had a lot of cheerleading engagements to attend to so I had a lot of free time. I decided I would take myself out on a date after I had worked very very hard to earn an A on my parenting exam. Actually, I only read about half of what I was supposed to read and said a prayer that it would be on a lot of the information that I had already learned in my other classes. Lucky for me, I was right. I wanted to kiss the girl who was working the desk on the way out of the testing center because I was so happy. I contained myself though, because I don't kiss girls and I also don't think she would have appreciated it. Even though I think my kissing skills are excellent, I am sure she was happy I kept my red lipstick on my own lips.

After I left the testing center and skipped back to my car, I looked up movie times for Warm Bodies. I had an hour and a half and decided my inner carnivore would really appreciate a steak. So, I headed off to Longhorns to spend the giftcard my momma put in my stocking for Christmas. My waiter was so cute. He was tall with dark hair. I do not think it would have been quite as cute had he not had the little speech impediment that he had. He kind of sounded like he had a Brooklyn accent but I knew otherwise when he said any word that had an r in it. I think it is the little imperfections that really attract me to someone. Imperfections are perfectly sexy. Well, most of them anyways. He was tipped very well that day. Not for his cuteness, but for his impeccable service. Okay, maybe his sultry smile and pearly whites had a little something to do with it.

I was off to see Warm Bodies. The plot is basically this: A zombie boy falls in love with a normal girl and he starts to become alive by being around her. I thought the movie would be kind of cheesy, but to my pleasant surprise, it was hilarious and really good. It had some of the best one liners I have ever heard. The boy who played R should win some sort of award for his role. He literally took my heart away with his limpy zombie walk. I strongly recommend this movie to anyone who is on the fence about seeing it, or really just everyone in general.

This movie gave me an idea. Maybe we are all dead, just walking around in a zombie like stupor until we meet someone who makes our hearts start beating again. Metaphorically speaking of course. You very well can't walk around without having a pulse. As my friend Ben would say, that's deep stuff. Message to take away from this, if the person you are dating/interested in makes you feel more zombie than alive, get out as quickly as possible before your gait becomes a hunched over limp and your conversation becomes a series of grunts and groans. Run screaming in the opposite direction as fast as your little legs can carry you.

I met someone this weekend. Unfortunately, he was not the sexy captain of the Lacrosse team. His name is Grandpa Dave. He is the coach of the SLUTS. SLUTs stands for Seminole Ladies Ultimate Team. Ultimate as in Ultimate Frisbee. I was eating a salad at Chili's when I heard this old man voice demanding that Spongebob be put on the televisions. I was kind of annoyed that there was a drunk guy at a bar...Hmm... This seems wrong. He kept on messing with the bartender. I was getting really aggravated until I heard her call him Grandpa Dave. Suddenly, I was noticing that everyone who worked there was calling him Grandpa Dave.

Turns out, he was not drunk and everyone knew him up there and that is why he was picking on the bartender. After I gathered up some courage, I asked him why everyone was calling him that. He said the name came from when he started coaching the SLUTs. The girls called him that due to his older age. He said very sweetly, "I don't have any children or grandchildren of my own, and I sort of look at the girls like my children. I hope nothing bad every happens to any one of them, or of the people who take care of me here." I swear I was glad that a particularly sad moment of Edward Scissorhands was on the TV because I got sort of teary eyed. I've been emotional for some unknown reason all weekend, even the slightest things like this set me off. He proceeded to tell me about the SLUTs and his carpenter job and how he believed that it was Jesus who kept his business busy and making him a lot of money. Grandpa Dave's first job was for a lady in the Tallahassee Rotary Club and she lead him to all the church ladies who in turn have lead him to everyone they know, and we all know that church ladies know everyone.

Grandpa Dave was a lot more than what I was seeing with my eyes. All I saw was a tattered old sweat shirt, tangled white blonde hair, and a big crooked tooth grin; but he was so much more than that. He was quite a character, with a pretty sweet story. He paid for his bill and left the bartender a nice tip. The moral to this story is a tried an true one, do not judge a book by its cover. While his cover screamed homeless troublemaker, his chapters told of a heart of gold that beat for children who are not his. He thanked me for being good for conversation and left.

These are what my little outings alone normally turn into, a conversation with a cute waiter and a little chat with a stranger. I think everyone should go out by themselves every once in a while. Obviously, do not go somewhere by yourself where being by yourself is not safe, but try it sometime. It is quite invigorating and nice to examine the inner desires of your soul and mind. You might meet some incredible people along the way too.