The Break Up

Hello all from my living room,

I have switched pace from Super Bowl Sunday to movie night. TV networks play the best movies on the weekend so I normally hunker down with a bowl of cereal and watch at least one or two. Earlier I watched Uptown Girls. This is in my top ten favorite movies of all time. I hate that Brittany Murphy died, it makes me really sad that she can't make anymore movies like this. Also, it weirds me the heck out when I see Dakota Fanning as young as she was in that movie and then I think about her as Jane in Twilight. It makes me feel so freaking old!!!

Now, I am watching The Break Up. I must say, I love Vince Vaughn. If he was into younger women and realized my existence, I would marry him in a heartbeat. This movie got me thinking about, well, break ups. When should you break up with someone? When is it time to pack up your pride and dignity and leave before it gets trampled on by someone who is undeserving of your attention? I've been through enough to notice a few signs that stick out to me.

1) It is time to break up if video games are more important than spending time with you. Video games are fine. If he wants to play for a few hours every day or set up a night to play with his friends every once in a while, okay fine. Boys like video games, they can't help it. However, if he blows you off saying he has to clean his house and you stop by to help and he is playing video games, run to the hills screaming girl. Get out now! Fellas, these games really aren't all there is to life. All I am saying is the assassins on COD are not going to scratch your back late at night, nibble your ear and whisper naughty things to you, or make you breakfast in the morning. And Mario damn sure isn't going to wash your underwear and nasty gym shorts.

2) If a password has been set his cell phone, it's time to break up. Especially, if the password is suddenly set up. It is fine if the password was there all along and at some point the password is revealed to you. However, if you go to turn on Pandora radio on and you notice you now have to unlock the phone, you can guarantee there is an Ashley, Jessica, Taylor, or Brittney that they are trying to hide from you. Creating a password is the doorway to cheating. Cut the wire before it electrocutes you.

3) If he is refusing to hang out with your friends, it is time to break up. I mean, you chose these friends because you think they are pretty cool. If he doesn't want to meet your friends or keeps you from spending time with them, it's time. There are a million boys to choose from, but only a few friends who will bail you out of jail at 2 in the morning. Choose wisely.

4) If the contact has diminished, it is time to break up. I don't mean he started calling/texting every other hour instead of every hour. Chill out girl, he's gotta eat and sleep at some point! I mean if he goes all day or multiple days with calling or texting, or if you have to initiate the conversation all the time, it is probably time to break up. You aren't in a relationship with yourself, there is no reason you should be doing all the work.

5) This one is for the older gals, if he isn't using the words us in future tense, it is time to break up. We aren't in high school anymore, this isn't about playing a game. I'm not saying he needs to be asking for your ring finger size within the first several months of dating. What I mean is, if he can't plan things like vacations or dinners with his parents or even the next movie date, it's time to get out. This means he doesn't see you in his distant future or maybe even his immediate future. If he doesn't, then neither should you.

6) If he isn't kissing or touching you anymore, it is time to break up. Trust me, there is someone else out there who is dying to do more than that to you. So, if he isn't making an effort to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you or have some part of his body on yours, it is time. If the intimacy has left the building, you should too, as if that building is on fire.

7) If he has cheated on you, leave. There is no explanation for this one. Just leave.

8) If you find yourself thinking about other guys, it is time to break up. I don't mean the occasional, "I wonder what he is up to?" because someone you know is talking about him. I mean if you find yourself daydreaming about his eyes, what he is doing, his butt, who he's talking to... it is time to get out. You're not being fair to the guy you are with. Save him some heartache if he deserves to be saved.

9) If you are cheating/ want to cheat on your boyfriend, go ahead and break it off. There is no reason to deal with all that drama if you really do not want to be with him. Whether he deserves to be cheated on or not, cheating means you would rather be with someone else, anyone else but the guy you are currently with. It's time to break up.

10) If you feel like shit all the time when you are around him, it is time to break up. Your significant other is supposed to lift you up and make you feel good. They are supposed to make you happy and keep a goofy smile on your face. If you are feeling like you'd rather run through a field of lego pieces shoeless in the dark than be around your boyfriend, it is time to let him go.

Now look, I am no love guru. I have no degree validating any of this, although I will in about six months. These are just things that I have experienced personally that I know to look for now. Try to make it work if you feel like it can be worked out. I don't believe in giving up on someone for stupid reasons. However, relationships are not supposed to be forced. They should just happen and go with the flow.

Gents, once again, please replace girl with boy where appropriate to make this something for you. However, if you ever find a girl who can beat you by a lap in Mario Karts or can kill you in a Guitar Hero battle, you should probably keep her around.