What a Girl Wants

Hello all,

So yesterday, a friend of mine sends me a screen shot of a text message convo between her and her kind of sort of boyfriend. This is the story in a nutshell: he was supposed to take her out on a nice date, kind of stood her up, and now she is mad. The part of the message she sends me is the part where he says, "Let me make it up to you this weekend. You pick the place and I'll buy. I almost sent you flowers today but I didn't want to risk wasting 70 bucks if you trashed them."...

Okay, let's talk about where he went wrong. First off, the guy should always be buying. Unless you are buying him something for his birthday, Christmas, or Valentine's Day, he pays. Especially if he is the one who asked you on the date in the first place. The fact that he screwed the whole original date up is even more reason for him to pay, and bring candy. Perhaps something else you have been wanting too. Guys don't get it. We mess up and they get over it pretty quick, they mess up and they have to go through the seven tasks of Hercules to get back in our good circle. That is just how it is.

Second, it is probably not good to say, "I was going to spend money on you, but then I didn't." Given, 70 bucks is a ridiculous amount of money for something that will die 5-7 days after you get it. That's why goldfish only cost like 2 bucks. We don't need the 70 dollar flowers. Truth be told, we would probably just rather have the money to buy something else. The point is no matter how you meant it, all a girl will see is, "I was going to make it up to you by buying you something that you would have liked but I decided against it." Your best bet is to go ahead and buy it or just not ever bring up that you were considering it. Then we won't feel like we aren't worth it.

Now, I am positive this fellow didn't mean it like that. From what I gather, he is really sorry that the whole date thing got messed up and feels bad about it. He is trying to make it up to her and has apologized. Hey, things happen! The thing is, guys just haven't got even half a clue as to how to say things. We need to hear things exactly how we want to hear them or they are wrong. Simple right? Okay, no it isn't simple. Men are not mind readers and we women should realize that. A little common sense will go a long way though.

Aside from all this, my friend Destiny and I were discussing how simple women really are. I saw a meme recently on Facebook that says, "How hard are girls to understand? We like Starbucks, compliments, Disney movies, cuddling, naps, yoga pants, and shopping." In all honesty, this is probably the most spot on interpretation about gals that I have ever come across. My other favorite is from a show on Nickalodeon. Some of you may remember the show the Fairly Oddparents. I watched it religiously when I was a tween, and pretty much still do if I am being completely truthful. Anyways, Guy Moon is the writer for this show and he gave Timmy a girl to crush hard on. Trixie Tang is her name. You can hear here repeatedly in the show demanding that he feed her and call her pretty. I mean if a cartoon producer and writer can figure it out, I have faith that other men can. I am going to break it down in the post for all those who are confused on the fascinatingly complex creature we call woman.

1) We like to eat. Like seriously anything that is remotely considered food is fair game. We will be extremely healthy one minute eating nothing but salad with no dressing and kale leaves, and then go eat a combination of greasy, salty, chocolatey, sweetness that could clog a grizzly bears arteries later that day. Please don't point this out unless our bellies start poking out more than our pregnant friends'. Don't eat the last bowl of cereal, leave our last Nutrigrain bar, and lord forbid if you stop and buy candy on the way home, you better bring us some or be willing to share like all of what you bought. If you order a steak at dinner, we are bound to follow in suit. We have girlish charm with manly appetites.

2) Naps are wonderful. I don't know when I flipped an internal switch that made me go from not being able to nap as a child to hibernating pretty much everyday, but I love to sleep. Not sleeping at night, but during the day. No way Mother Nature was giving me that break. If we want to sleep, let us sleep. We love it when you join us too. The nap we planned on taking may turn into a whole different bed activity.

3) We like yoga pants. Actually, let's broaden this to we like to be comfortable. We like to be lazy and enjoy comfy clothes that we can move in. Let's face it, we can't always be the tight jean, push up bra, sex kitten curls, high heel wearing beauties that we are. Sometimes we need a break and wear sports bras or no bras, flip flops, sweatpants, and a pony tail. You know you want a girl for real if you still want to pounce on her when she looks a hot mess. Also, we will raid your closet. Be prepared. Your super soft polo brand tshirts and Columbia jackets are better than the exact same ones than we have. We will wear your boxers with no underwear on. We want your old high school sweatpants and hoodies. Your clothes are bigger than ours and they smell like sexy man, so naturally we want to swaddle ourselves in them. Let us, please. Or get out. Leave your clothes though, we probably already have snuck a few things out of your drawers when you weren't looking anyways. Girls are sneaky like that.

4) Disney movies- taking average Josephines and turning them into glass slipper wearing princesses since forever. Of course we want to watch them. Just go with it. My favorite princess movie is Tangled. Sometimes I will watch it three or four times a night. It is something my next male victim will have to deal with. In return, I promise I will watch every Star Wars/ Spartacus/ and Sons of Anarchy episode ever made. In fact, I like all those kinds of shows and most girls I know do. Cassie and I are avid Game of Thrones watchers, it is full of gore, sex, cussing and all that other male- ish jazz. We love it though.

5) Shoot us a compliment every once in a while. I mean you picked your girl out of a sea of thousands, there is a reason for that. Tell us why every once in a while. Let us know that you think we are sexy or that we tell good jokes or that we are having an amazing hair day. Anything. Honestly, you could probably say you smell like shit in a nice, upbeat tone and we wouldn't skip a beat.

6) Shopping. Bitches are expensive. Don't get one if you can't cash out. I am not saying money is everything, because it totally isn't. We like for you to go shopping with us every once in a while. Go with us. We just might buy barely panties to model for you later if you behave. TLC made a song about this back in the 90s. We don't want no scrubs, whether they can't buy us that cute shirt or won't go with us to the panty section because it isn't cool. If I was a guy, I would be all up in that picking out exactly what I wanted to see later on. Truth.

7) Starbucks goes along with the food. You don't have to get it for us, although that is a really nice gesture, especially if we are having a rough day. Nothing takes the edge off like a nonfat white chocolate mocha over light ice, keep the whipped cream (my very specific, special order). Just don't criticize or hate how much of it we drink. You have your beer, we have Chai Tea lattes and triple chocolate peppermint frappes.

These perfectly explain the mysterious woman. I'd like to add a few things to this from my own personal repertoire.

8) We like to be touched. Girls have lots of fun body parts from head to toe. Really, this is to your advantage. The only difference between us and your dude friends is that you get to fondle us and kiss us. Go ahead and attempt this with one of your friends. Just try to hold your man friend's hand and see how quick you get cussed out and body checked. We like it as much as you like doing it. And honestly, that's all it takes to set us off. Give us a little and we will give you a lot. I especially love to have my hair and ears played with. It will put me to sleep almost instantly. Or maybe something else.

9) Girls are black holes for attention. End of story. We just keep taking in as much as you will give us. You didn't start dating us to ignore us. So, don't go days without texting or calling. That is so messed up. It makes us feel unwanted or like we have done something wrong. You may not mean anything by it, but we will take it to the extreme. Calls before bedtime assure that you are the last thing we think about... and not some other fella... Just saying.

Destiny agree that we girls are pretty simple to understand. What do you think? I would love to hear a man's perspective, so if you are feeling froggy, send me a message or comment on this and let me know how you feel about it.