Hello all,
Have you ever thought about what you want in life? Like really sat down and made a list of all the goals you want to accomplish or the qualities you are looking for in a significant other? A few weeks ago I was visiting my Gigi and Papa Joe when I started thinking about this. She is the sweetest little old lady and Papa Joe is quite the jokester. He tells me all the time that I am his date for any family events that we have. My Uncle Jack and Aunt Lori were there, too. Uncle Jack is a very intuitive man and he asks me a ton of questions at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. The conversation was mainly circled around school, they always ask me what I am doing with my life since I am constantly changing my mind.
Inevitably, the conversation turned to boys. It always does. It isn't just them who ask me about my relationships; its my mom, my grandma in Seattle, and pretty much everyone else. I guess it's understandable. Until now, there hasn't been an extended period of time when I was single. I hate the word single. Just one. It sounds so sad when really, you are just you doing your own thing for a while. Do we have to label it? I don't really care for the word couple either. What are you a couple of? A couple of eggs? A couple of pizza rolls? Currently craving both of these, if you cannot tell. Maybe I am just bitter about these couples. I was with someone all throughout high school. I never had over a month or two of being by myself. Perhaps that is what is wrong with me.
My Uncle asked me if I was still with the same boy, I shook my head and said, "Praise the Lord, no!" They laughed at me and asked why, I told them the partial truth, that he didn't see me as good enough for him when in reality he was no where near halfway good enough for me. I should have beat him to the punch, but we all know I am no track star.
Uncle Jack got serious with me after I got through telling them why I was no longer with my ex. He told me to make a list of all the qualities and attributes that I wanted in the next man I dated, and if I could find one who met every single checkpoint, he would be the man I married. He told me to make a physical list on a piece of paper that I could see every day and refer to if need be. A mental list isn't good enough. "Be really serious," he said, "Do not stray from this list and you will be the happiest girl in the world."
So, I have decided to take Uncle Jack's suggestion to another level. Let's be honest, if I write it down on a piece of paper, I will lose it ten seconds after I finish with it. So I am putting in a blog. I read these on a daily anyways so it's the perfect keep safe place. I feel as though if I can see it every day or at least once a week, I will hold true to the list and not let my standards slip again. Settling is not an option for me. I want to "settle" with someone who doesn't make it feel like I am giving up something else in exchange. A relationship is not a bartering trade, so you shouldn't have to give up anything about yourself (anything good anyways) in order to comply with the needs of a boyfriend/girlfriend.
A while back, I posted a status on Facebook that was quite popular. I had just purchased and watched one of my all time favorite movies, The Avengers. As I drooled over the multitude of sexy men in this movie, I couldn't help but think of how perfect a man would be if he was a combination of all of them.
I want a man with Iron Man's sarcasm and brilliant mind, Captain America's humbleness and love of his country, the Hulk's muscles and practiced self- restraint, Hawk Eye's precision and quiet patience, and Thor's divine good looks and smoldering eyes. I wouldn't say no to his accent either. These men are super not just because of their incredible strength or hidden genetic anomalies. They have so much more than that.
Notice I did not comment too much on outward appearance. Sure, I would love to have a man with Captain America's deliciously buff bod, Thor's beautifully mythical face and strong jaw line, and Iron Man's facial gruff and sexy smile. However, I would prefer a man who can carry himself with confidence rather wallow in conceitedness. A guy who knows he is hot is too much diva to be in a relationship with me. I am the queen, you can't be one too. However, I would like for my man to be decently attractive. That's how it all starts. Anyone who says they fell for someone's personality first is a liar. You just met them five seconds ago, you don't know what crazy could be lurking under that sweet smile and small talk.
Truth is, you have to be lured in by something first. It could be something small like pretty teeth behind a crooked grin or long eye lashes covering mysteriously enticing eyes. I am not asking for someone who could pose on the cover of Men's Health, although that would be a serious added bonus, but you have to have something about you that I can look at and say "wow" about as my heart melts and blood simmers.
I have to say, my favorite physical features are pretty, straight, white teeth, dimples, tall stature, and facial hair. I heard an ad on Pandora the other day saying that 85% of women prefer a clean shaven man. This is false. I don't know who their sample pool of women were but I completely disagree. I don't need a Duck Dynasty beard or anything, a little stubble is all I require. Nothing feels sexier rubbing your lips and nose along their gruffly jaw line before planting a kiss on their lips. Dimples are so amazingly hot. I once heard a myth that babies born with dimples got them because they were poked during pregnant sex. Obviously, this is not true but I got a good laugh when I told someone's momma this. Yes, her son had dimples. I like my men taller than me. It makes me feel safe for some reason, like he could defend me if need be. I love standing on my tip toes to kiss a guy. I prefer for him to be about a foot taller than me, but a few inches is fine too.
The next boyfriend I have will dress nicely. Or at least be open to letting me help put outfits together. He will NOT wear basketball shorts under regular shorts. Why do guys think it is appropriate to wear a cut off sleeve shirt meant for the gym to dinner? Where do they get these ideas?! Would you want me wearing my yoga pants, hoodie, and no make up out in the public eye where people are?! NO, you would be embarrassed! This is a man's worst double standard. Does everyone know what "jorts" are? Jorts are jean shorts and they are not okay unless you are my Papa wearing them to do yard work, maybe not even then. A man who wears jorts will be a deal breaker from now on. If you have a pair of those, burn them immediately. My guy will put in a good effort to wear nice things. If I have to get pretty for you, you can at least wear a shirt without holes for me.
He has to like to kiss. I will kiss you anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone. I don't mean sloppy PDA, we can save that for the backseat of a car, the movies, sitting on the bathroom sink, etc. I love kissing. For some reason, it is more enjoyable than anything else to me. This may be a bit much for some readers. Oh well. Someone told me the other day that I am ridiculous and obscene. My response was, "I am pretty good at being ridiculous and obscene." This was probably meant to be an insult, I didn't take it as one since I both of these things.
Although personality is not what I notice first, it is a biggy with me. If you have the personality of a wet mop, we just won't work. I need someone who loves to have fun and can make me laugh. That's really not a tall order because I laugh at everything. If I am not laughing, you aren't funny and shouldn't take up a career in comedy. He has to be motivated and help me in whatever I want to accomplish whether it is working out, for school, or anything I need to be inspired about really. I am probably the most helpful, supportive person (not trying to be conceited but it's true), so I expect this guy to be the same way with me. You remember the boyfriend who told me I was fat? Yeah, I asked him several times to go to the gym with me and he wouldn't get off his lazy ass to do anything of the sort. Call of Duty doesn't burn calories. I want someone who will laugh at my terribly dry jokes and kid around with me. Just because we are older doesn't mean everything has to be serious. I need my man to be smart. Not like rocket scientist smart though because then I will feel inferior and stupid. But someone has to be able to help the kids with their math homework and it won't be me if it is anything past long division and multiplying fractions. I can't have a boring boyfriend. He needs to be a fun seeker. I like to do off the wall, random things. For instance, this week I have had the sudden urge to go kayaking. The bf has to be down to just get up and go do something cool at the last minute.
One thing I demand the most out of a guy is that he is goal oriented. I cannot stress enough how much this means to me. I don't want someone who is okay a job that is fit for a high school sophomore. He has to want more for himself and more for me. I want someone who wants to be successful in whatever trade they value. This could be anything from being the CEO Apple to teaching 3rd grade English. It doesn't matter to me how much money the job makes. As long as he is passionate about something, I am cool with it. He needs to have went to college, become skilled in some sort of manly trade, or served in the military. Dreams are an important thing to have. If you aren't dreaming, you will go nowhere.
For some reason, I see myself with a boy from the country. I would consider a yuppie boy from the city but there is something about a small town boy's values that melt my heart. They are typically polite, firm, gruff,manly, and easy to have a good time with. Men raised in the South just have a way about them that I find very appealing. They aren't afraid to say what they believe in but know when to hold their tongue as well. There's a protective factor about them, too. I would like to think that if I was dropped off in the woods and told to survive like in the Hunger Games, he would be able to keep me safe and we would come out alive. I don't like feeling like the man in a relationship, so I don't need a sissy boy who can't stick up for me if need be.
The bottom line here is that he has to be able to put up with me. I am crazy, dramatic, loud, and needy. I say needy, but it is little things like: tell me I am pretty, feed me, play with my hair, scratch my back when we are watching a movie or reading, talk on the phone with me when I am walking out from Wal-Mart at night, buy me Reese's eggs for Easter, and let me pick out your shirt every once in a while. Pretty simple right? I don't think I am completely unmanageable.
So, here is the final list:
1) Slightly sarcastic/can deal with mine
2) Intelligent
3) Humble and not arrogant (unless it's appropriate)
4) Self controlled (no cheaters allowed)
5) Patient (I take a while to get ready and I am always late)
6) Attractive in my eyes
7) Taller than me
8) Sexy stubble
9) Handsome smile with a side of dimples
10) Knows how to dress for the occasion
11) Must love to kiss
12) Can joke with me and take jokes back
13) Motivated
14) Inspiring
15) Up for random road trips and small town adventures
16) Goal oriented
17) Wants the most out of life
18) Passionate about something other than himself
19) Can dream with me
20) Preferably "country" but not redneck
21) Polite
22) Manly
23) Protective
24) Could defend me if necessary
25) Can put up with me and my quirks
I am putting this list out there because I want to know what I want. To be able to have something to see physically every day will be a constant reminder of my deepest desires I want to find in someone. I should never have to settle for someone, to have to mold someone into the the "perfect" man. I really like projects, and unfortunately I let that extend to relationships sometimes. I like to take broken things and fix them. Sometimes I take on these little boys thinking I can help them and shape them into men. But no more, men aren't made out of clay. I refuse to date someone who I have to work on. This list will be a sort of mantra for me that says, "DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS." I strongly encourage everyone to make a list. It will really make you rack your brain for what you value in yourself and in others. You shouldn't have to second guess yourself when making a decision about being with someone. This list is like a fool proof way to ensure that no guessing will be involved. You will already know what you want before you start talking to someone and know if he/she is a waste of time or not.
Someone asked the other day if I believe in waiting for someone who is everything you want, your true love so to speak, or find someone who you can be content with. Men are like lions, they can be trained, but not tamed. To answer that question, wait my dear. Wait until you find someone who sets your heart ablaze with more love than you can handle. The man who fits all of these things is out there, I am sure of it. They say God put a man for every woman on this Earth. In my heart, I know and feel that this is the truth. I know that He has seen these wants/needs in my heart long before I decided to put it in a blog. He made (insert future husband's name here)for me a long time ago. Until we meet, I will read over this list every so often so that when I meet him for the first time, I will recognize him. After all we have met in my dreams. Until then though, I will be patient.
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