Frat Boy Fantasy

Hello all,

I am reporting from the loft tonight. Yes, I was just here last weekend and I have been coming home a lot more often than I typically do. The driving is starting to wear me down, or maybe I just need new music on my Ipod. I was not at all planning on driving home this weekend. As a matter of fact, my whole weekend was unplanned. Not like unplanned pregnancy unplanned, but completely not what I had in mind for how I was to spend this weekend.

My friend Chelsea and I have an upcoming trip to Panama City Beach, so we decided to get together with the other two girls who are going with us and set up some plans. We had a potluck dinner thing and sat at her house and talked over things from who was driving to what night we are going to Club La Vila or whatever it is called. It's the one they show on MTV for spring break. I am kind of nervous about it. I'm not trying to end up on Ridiculousness or anything. Needless to say, it was supposed to be a quiet night in full of sweatpants and single serve popcorn. Then, my little brother came to town.

Tyler got all the crazy and wild from both of my parents, whereas I think I may have just got Momma's crazy genes. Tyler has a lot of both Brad and Caroline, so he is about as stable as a table with three legs. I don't mean it in a bad way, I just mean he can't sit still for long and he really knows how to have a good time.

Well, Tyler asked if he could bring one of his frat brothers to the house. He said the boy was a very respectable young man, so of course I said yes. I mean honestly, he had me at frat brother. Well, one turned into two, and there again that was fine with me. This may have had something to do with the fact that one of them could have been twins with Joseph Gordon- Levitt.

I left Chelsea's whenever Tyler got to my apartment because I felt bad for not being there to greet him. I was in some workout leggings and there was nothing special about my long sleeved shirt. There wasn't any part of me that wanted to go out on the town, but after one of them handed me a beer, they talked me into it. I got dressed and we all headed out. The boys had been sipping for a while so they were in a good little mood. So good in fact, that their confidence levels were through the roof, and they thought they would pee on some truck's tires because it had an FSU tag on it. Mind you, we were in Tallahassee, so all vehicles have something FSU on them. A police van pulled up. This night was about to end before it even began. Perfect.

I tried to yell discretely (this is highly impossible) that there was an officer watching them. I attempted to distract the cop by asking him if I could park on a curb dubbed with yellow paint. Clearly the answer was no, but the boys didn't get in trouble. Tyler forgot his ID back at the apartment which threw a kink in my night, but soon we were at the Strip again. We went our separate ways, he with his friends and me with Chelsey, Jess, and Jacob.

I found Connor first. He looked like he was about to get in a fight with some other guy who I did not know. Turns out, he was also in the fraternity. He was an ass. I don't like him and Tyler better never bring him around me.

At the end of the night, I had to find all three of them because I knew they didn't have a ride other than myself. I found Tyler next. He was taking a little snooze on a table at McDonald's with two homeless men who were very nice. In exchange for watching him, I gave the men a 5 dollar bill for more coffee and cheeseburgers. It wasn't much, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I am kind of ashamed that when Tyler stood up and walked out the door, I patted his pants pocket to feel for his wallet.

Finally, we were all together in front of Mickey D's. Thank the Lord! We could go home now, which was awesome because the bones in my feet felt like they were about to shatter from wearing those heels for hours. All we had to do was walk across the street. Simple right?

Wrong. So wrong. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Connor running full speed to the end of the sidewalk. All of a sudden, I see an apartment complex advertisement sign go flying through the air. He had punted it like a football. He clapped his hand on my shoulder and exclaimed that he just had to do it. Great.

As we walk across the street, Connor still can't contain himself. He ninja kicks one of the emergency police buttons that sends a signal to the FSU PD. Naturally, they show up in about two seconds. It would take hours if someone was actually getting raped or robbed though. I have to explain that I am taking them home. The cop let's us leave with a promise that if my friend kicked that f-ing police button again he would be going to f-ing jail. Yes sir Mr. Officer!

The asshole frat brother who I do not care for and his attractive blonde friend who I have yet to meet are at my car with us. I guess they walked over behind us. Being the southern lady I am, I asked to make sure they had accommodations as far as a ride and place to stay went. The asshole, with his pride, said he was fine. The cuter, and obviously smarter one asked me ever so sweetly if I minded if he slept on my floor that night. Of course, he could.

We made it home all while listening to Connor's blathering about hamburger toppings (for real). Tyler and Connor went to sleep almost instantly, but Trevor and Colin stayed up to talk to Chelsey and I. Trevor continued to reassure me and Chelsey that he was an asshole but that he was the "realest." Colin looked up at some point and thanked me for giving him a warm place to stay for the night. He is welcome back at this house anytime.

So here I was, in a room with three of my brother's frat brothers. This is like every girls' fantasy and should have been mine. However, the real thing is far from what I had concocted in my mind. They were like big, sleepy, farting, burping, chatty chatty babies who needed to be taken care of. It was still a fun night though. They changed my mind on most frat boys, and in a good way. These guys were cocky no doubt, but they were funny, respectable, polite, and nice. Not at all like the big football playing, dip spitting guys who I thought they would be. All in all, it was quite an interestingly awesome night.