One Night in Cancun

Hello all,

I am very upset to say that Game of Thrones is now over for a full year. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore or what I will make of my Sunday nights for the next 10 months. I guess I can like knit baby booties for my imaginary future children or recreate the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel in my apartment or something else totally ridiculous.

Sorry that I have not been blogging lately. I have been working like a slave at Old Navy. But that is totally fine because I absolutely love it there and all the people I work with are as cool as glaciers. Other than that I have been out living life and doing blog worthy things so that I have something legit to write about for all you lovely readers who are too loyal and awesome for me to really grasp.

With that said, I am dedicating a few blogs to some friends of mine. Over the past few weeks I have been getting a lot of time in with my friends. This time has been well spent because I was going stark ass crazy out here at this apartment alone. I thought I was doing fine until I started talking to myself. Not just normal out loud talking, but like full blown conversations with myself. Note* if you begin answering the questions you are asking out loud, it is probably time to get around other people.

I don't have a lot of guy friends anymore. Having a few back to back "serious" boyfriends will do that to you. It's like their cologne rubs off on you in a scent of "back the hell up, she is taken" so that everyone just automatically avoids you. Actually, I take that back. When you finally settle down and take the leap into relationship retention pond, all the finest boys come crawling out of the woodwork with an interest in you. All of a sudden, the boy you have been drooling over for weeks now looks like something from the Walking Dead compared to the charming fellow who has taken a liking to you. It is like, wow where was he 24 hours ago before I was with Jo Schmo over here?

I am happy to say that I have been taken in by two of the best boys ever. Hunter and Lew are both from good ole Baker County and have migrated West to attend the evermore prestigious Florida State University. I've known Lew since back in middle school when we weren't quite so keen on each other and Hunter is a more recent face in my life. We have been to a few sporting events together this year, which is always a pleasure. Sporting events with guys are so much better than with girls. I love how angry they get when something seemingly harmless to me happens.

After Cassie left me from her mini vacation out here, I figured out I was having boy withdrawals and thought I would call up my buddies for a dinner night. Lew has been out here for like two years now and has still yet to eat at any of the best hole-in-the-walls Tallahassee has to offer. It is a blasphemous act to not eat at Momo's, Monks, Gordos, Po Boys, and El Jalisco's while you are attending school here. I didn't want Lewyn to be damned to a sad food experience in Tally so I said, let's all go out! As always, I was craving Mexican food so I suggested El's. I also wanted a margarita, which are always 2 for 1 at El's. I felt tequila was necessary to ease my aching heels from working so much. I must say it is quicker than any pain pill on the market and it tastes better. I'm going to stop talking about tequila now because I sound like I need an AA class.

Anyways, I called up Hunter to invite him as well as I missed his bubbly laugh in my life. I told him to bring anyone he wanted, as I was down to be around people for once. His response made my tongue fall out of my mouth. To my pleasant surprise, he said, "I have Wannamaker here." Jeremy Wannamaker to be exact. I'll admit, I've pervertedly made fun of his last name for the past few days now, though I'll never say aloud what they are. Normally, I have no attraction to younger men, I have a taste for the older ones. Seeing as they haven't done me any good lately, my aversion to guys younger than me are waning. My girlfriends and I all have the "who would you go younger for..." conversation and well, I have to admit that he has cropped up in most of these little talks. But not just him or just by me judging, so I know I'm not crazy. We also throw Blaire Hanks, Hunter Hanks, and several others into this debate. I swear moms are feeding their boys something different these days, because they are all better and better looking. This boy is one of the best looking creatures I've ever seen. I think it must be his beard that catches my attention, we all know how much I love a good beard. Needless to say, I was quite happy that he would be joining us for dinner, even though we'd never really spoken to each other. Creeper alert for real. Keep it in your pants Carebear.

I got to Hunter's house all tooted up (Cassie and Aunt Heather's word for dressed to the nines). It was still a night out with the boys, so I didn't try too hard. The fellas had had a few and it made me ready to get the night going. We sat around talking until Lew got through playing with is lab rats up at the school and the conversation made me realize how out of touch with men I really am.

Eventually, I had them all rounded up and we were ready to go get our margaritas and tacos. I got to the restaurant feelings pretty pleased with myself. I was the only girl with three guys, I wondered aloud if I looked as lucky as I felt. I actually said out loud that I must look like a very lucky girl indeed. Mr. Wannamaker gave me a reality check by whispering, "Do you want to get lucky tonight?" I have an automatic slap reflex around men. Anytime they say anything or do anything that is remotely perverted, my hand flies through the air quicker than a rocket built by NASA. So, even though he was kidding around, my hand landed backside first in the middle of his chest with a loud smacking sound. The hostess looked far more shocked than she had when she heard what he said to me in the first place. She gave me a confused look and suddenly I was clear on guys again. I missed being around them and all of their perverted banter.

To make up for it, he pulled out my chair at the table. I rolled my eyes at him to make it clear he wasn't completely forgiven. We somehow managed to make it through dinner with me breaking down what Enchiladas were for Lew and what the mysterious red sauce on them is. We were all having a wonderful time, although I think Hunty had the best. He was so smitten that he got up to sing happy birthday, or I guess I should say Feliz Cumpleanos, to a table of strangers. There was a table of British crumpets sitting next to us and one stared at Hunter as though he was the funniest thing he'd ever seen and asked us how many beers he had drank so far. Enough to get up and bang a tambourine with Roberto, our spicy server. Poor Roberto, Hunter tried to order all of his food and beverages in Spanish and kept asking Roberto how to say cuss words in Spanish. I was too shame.

Lew got caught in the bathroom with two gay men who were arguing in one of the stalls. He said they were bitching and bickering like two women and then started making out all of a sudden. That sir is a sign to zip it up and go before you get invited to join.

As we made it through chips and salsa, Hunter hatched a master plan for the night. We would go back to the house and then go to Cancun's, which is another Mexican place. I never really figured out why Hunter wanted to go there so badly, but he insisted.

I think my favorite thing about the night was how they didn't stunt their conversation because I was present. They didn't hold back when it came to talking about hot girls and other things I didn't care to really hear about, but I was quick to throw out my female opinion here and there on certain girls, especially any of them who the boys were considering relationship wise. Not that it is my place to judge, but I thought they should know. Hunter and Lew acted as though I was a clear line to the cheerleader hook up because Chelsey is my roommate. Sorry gents, I only really talk with the male cheerleaders when they are with Chelsey.

After we stopped back at the house, we were off to Cancun's. This is where boys night out suddenly turned into one big cat fight. The best thing about hanging out with men, is they are men. They don't really care about anything and they aren't a bunch of drama queens like we are. Yes, if you are a girl, you are at some point in the day a drama queen over something. It could be over a girl "stealing" your boyfriend (aka, the boy you like but have never talked to suddenly asked out that bitch from Spanish class that you've never really had a problem with until right now) or it could be over the fact that McDonald's ice cream machine is "out of service" (aka they already broke it down for the night and don't want to have to make you one special). Unfortunately, I found out that every man has a little woman in them.

We arrived for a second round of the drinks that put Mexico on the map. Hunter opted for a cerveza. But not just any cerveza, he got something called THE TOWER. It is as literal as it sounds. THE TOWER is an intimidating serving of beer that is put into a long plastic cylinder like the ones at the gas stations that hold the ridiculously long Slim Jims. The thing is literally almost as tall as I am. It is 120 ounces of beer served with plastic cups for sharing, or not depending how stupid you are.

There was a table of women behind us, who were having what looked like a girls' night. Every single one of them there looked like they were on the prowl for unsuspecting men. Through a mouthful of salsa, one asked in sheer amazement, "What the hell is that?" pointing to the ominous tower of amber liquid. Lew was the only one who heard her at first and replied with a laugh, "I'm not sure, it's probably something I couldn't afford." The girl looked very offended, which was unfathomable as to why to me at the time. We all sat around talking the same talk we had at El's. Hunter's roommate Morgan met with us but we stayed quite for the most part letting the boys have their chat.

And suddenly, they all disappeared! The fellas had all just wandered off leaving us at the table. I wasn't worried about them though, nor did I care. My margarita had me very relaxed and unwilling to start a search party. So I sat there uncaring. Then Lew turned back up and said that Jeremy was gone and that he couldn't find him. I reluctantly got up with the thought of him getting into trouble and how it would spoil the night. I walked outside to see if he had run off to call the mystery person he'd been texting all night but he wasn't there. To my surprise, he was talking to two early 30s black ladies who were very nice and conversational. He was just chilling with them like they were old pals. And that's when Lew found us again and told us to come get Hunter before he got slapped.

This is where I found out why the unfortunate girl looked so put off by what Lewyn said. Hunter was visibly arguing with the woman and looked like he was kind of winning. The girl's friend said that she thought she heard Lew say, "It's probably something YOU couldn't afford." indicating that she was poor, thus offending her. First of all, you have two margarita glasses in front of you along with the chicken wings you are chomping on, you know what you can and cannot afford. Get real girl before you make assumptions. Second, you are like way way older than us, why do you care? Anyways, I heard Hunter call this girl a bitch and my little red flag was up. It was time to get the hell out of Cancun before someone went to jail. I wrapped my arms around his waist and was said something along the lines of, "Alright it's time to go dear," while the girl's friend started waving her finger all Beyonce-like as her anger at his name calling rose. Hunter sloughed me off of him and said he wasn't finished. He's a big dude, I am a smaller girl so I lost that tug-a-war battle. That's when Jeremy stepped in, who's bigger than both of us and made him walk away.

Everything after that was just insane. The boys started arguing because Jeremy wouldn't let Hunter finish the argument that he was "clearly winning" and Jeremy was pissed because he was just saving his friend from a fight with an "ugly, fat chick at the bar." I am probably editing this. I suggested a kumbaya moment or shots or anything to get this to be over. They weren't listening. I couldn't even be heard over all the bickering that was going on in my car. They sounded like a bunch of darn girls. No, I take that back, they sounded far, far worse than any girls I have ever heard fighting.

Wannamaker was mad enough to go all the way home because he refused to stay at Hunter's house, to which Hunter replied good and that he didn't care what he did. They sounded like a couple that was breaking up! Jeremy left and then I started getting mad at Hunter because he shouldn't have let his "best friend" drive home so late at night. We left to get him to come back, but after 60 phone calls and ten messages, we gave up. Jeremy refused to answer him but he texted me to let me know he was home safe. They made up 24 hours later when Hunter, Lew, Chelsey, Jacob and I went to see The Purge.

Moral of the story, every man has a little woman in them and it often comes out when the beer starts a flowing. Take a girl with you on your night out with the boys, so you have a little back up when they start scraping. Also, don't visit two Mexican fiestas in one night, one is obviously enough. Have guy friends, because they are amazing and they smell good. Seriously, my car still smells orgasmic from them all sitting in it the other night. I know I rant and say a lot of bad things about men in this blog, but if you can't tell, they are my favorite people:)