Unicorns are People, too.

Hello all from the Loft!

I am very happy to have a few days off from Old Navy. Seriously, I feel like I spend more money in there than I make sometimes. I hate working shipment because I can literally see my paycheck go straight out the window on the new merchandise that I want to buy.

Those of you who watch MTV know that there is a new show on called Girl Code. It is absolutely hilarious and bluntly true. Auntie Heather (aka Cassie's aunt who I have no relation to but claim because she is simply awesomeness in human form) always texts me about it and kind of gave me a little light bulb of an idea. I have decided to do a weekly "Girl Code" post from now on. By weekly, I mean probably more than once a week at times and then not at all for a while. We all know I can't keep up with a dedicated time sheet for topics and posts. Is this kind of copy catting from MTV, yes. Do I give two craps, no. Besides, I am putting my own little twist on it. It won't just be girl stuff, although it will be mostly that. WHOOOOOOOW GIRL POWER!!! Just kidding, girls are dumb. But seriously, it will be a combination for all to enjoy. I'll put things in it that just make sense to do/never ever solemnly swear never to do. I am going to call it Cara Code or CC for short. Maybe CCode? I will have to see what my "managers" Kimberly and Destiny think about it.

Today I am going to delve into the mysterious maze of work ethic. Seeing as I have only had two jobs, I am no expert on work etiquette, but I have picked up a thing or two here and there about how to conduct yourself as both a customer and an employee that may make life for the both of you a bit sweeter. Work is that awesome place where you get to meet a lot of interesting characters and get to tend to their even more "interesting" needs, so it is important to keep some things in mind whilst doing your thing on the job.

CC Rule #1: When in the Work Place, be Unisex

No I do not mean to spontaneously grow a penis or a vagina depending on which gender you are. I mean that would be cool for some if that was possible, I suppose. What I mean by be unisex is when approaching a customer/patient/guest/unicorn/ostrich, use terms that are good for both males and females. Seriously, I have called at least three women "sir" this week alone. I'll give myself some slack on one, she had a slight beard. The looks of confusion would instantly turn to eye daggers whenever these ladies realized I was actually speaking to them. I would try to cover myself by suddenly ducking behind a shelf and turning in the direction of the closest man I could find, but they and their female powers knew I was talking to them. The phrase "if looks could kill" seems to fit here perfectly. Being from the South, I automatically flourish my respect by calling people sir or ma'am. But when you call a sir a ma'am or a ma'am a sir, you might as well respectfully shove that respect up your own ass, respectfully. I have found that another Southern term seems to work better. I just brandish the word "y'all" about a lot. Whether I am speaking to five people, one, or as I typically do, no one, I just refer to them as y'all. Y'all have a fantastic weekend! Y'all finding everything okay? Y'all want to hurry the hell up so I can return to folding the toddlers' polo table so it can get destroyed in 2.5 seconds? Seriously, it is just way better to go unisex when approaching someone. If there is a person who has on something that a boy or girl could wear, just avoid the whole murder via death stare by using unisex pronouns. If you don't know what a pronoun is, I will gladly refer you to my high school English teacher Mrs. Norman so she can laugh inappropriately at your lack of smart.

CC Rule #2: Be Nice to People you want Help from

You would think that this is a no duh, but some people still seem to have trouble with this one. When someone at work approaches me with an attitude and a rudeness that would make Bon Qui Qui go all "talk to the hand" mode, I am likely to be less willing to help. You see, I don't get tipped at this job for my paycheck. I still get paid whether or not we have a pleasant encounter. So, if you come up to me all Bitchy Bitch Bailey don't expect much. That adorable little boy shirt that you are looking for in a size 8 but can't seem to find anywhere is most definitely in the back. But let me be very clear, that is where it will stay if you can't be nice. I'm too much of a nice goody good girl to do this too often, but admittedly, I've done it once. But if you approach with care and ask politely to have me find something for you, I will go all Sherlock Holmes to make sure you have that blessed shirt by the time you walk out. Also, there was this day a few weeks ago when this very kind lady stopped me in the middle of an aisle to ask me to point her in the right direction of a certain product. I gladly did and reciprocated her sweetheartedness. Out of nowhere this man approached and walked right up to us and made a parting of the Red Sea motion with his hands and said, "Um, excuuuuse me!" and proceeded to walk in the middle of us. Mind you, this aisle was more of a main walkway and we were off to the side of it. He had a whole whopping other 10 feet or so of walkway to maneuver around us. I made a point to take the tiniest step out of his way as possible so he had to turn sideways to awkwardly slither his way in between the lady and I. I am the queen of awkward, so if you are going to make it awkward for me, expect me to shoot back with an awkward AK47. What an ass.
Be nice to your customers too though, or don't go into customer service. I cannot stand to see a rude person in customer service. If you don't like people, go be a vet or astronaut. If you are like me, I am the first person to get all, "I am going to WRITE A LETTER!" on a ridiculously rude person. I have made complaints before and I have had a complaint made on me at a previous job (I feel as though the difference between sugar free and no sugar added is just a given, but maybe that's just me). Trust me, you go talk to a manager about one of their employees, and they are going to get a very stern talking to and hateful stares from their boss for the rest of the day.

In sum, be nice to your ma'ams and sirs and be sure you are calling the ma'ams ma'am and the sirs sirs. If you aren't sure if they have a p or a v, stick to the y and use y'all and you. Customers, be kind to the people you are asking for assistance from. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, or the one that could possibly snag that last pair of black skinny jeans for you from an unknown hiding place before someone else does. Employees be kind to your unicorns/guests/customers so you don't get the parental-ish talk and disappointed stare down from your boss. Besides, it is bad for your health to be unnaturally asshole-ish, so just be nice:)