Hello all from my movie marathon,
I was listening to the radio the other evening on my way home from Cassie's graduation and a familiar, unmistakable voice came over the air. I was driving her Aunt Heather's car and was unsure of the radio station presets but this was definitely Delilah. I will never forget Sarah Davis talking about this famous radio host in class one day, complaining about the torture of listening to her for days as their bus was repaired. A select few drama students were on a special trip to perform for some sort of young theater thing, and their bus broke down leaving them all stranded. It was also Miss Davis who told me that ketchup took deodorant stains out of shirts. Hilariously enough, I believed her and asked how she came to know this trick. She's such a sweet girl, I never would have suspected her to test my gullibility. Funny, the things you remember about people you grew up with.
Anyhow, for those of you who do not know who Delilah is, she is a radio talk show host who often answers questions about love, life, and anything in between. Some chick called up on the radio and said the following, "So, I have this guy who won't ask me out but I know that he loves me. He says that he is afraid that I will cheat on him and he is so messed up from his last relationship so I sort of understand..."
Before she could even finish, Delilah interrupted and asked, "Have you ever read the book "He's Just Not that Into You"?"
"No, I haven't," the caller said. Geez, what planet does this girl live on?
"Well, honey I suggest you run, don't walk, out and get it right now and read it. I think this is just what you need. It basically tells you that if a guy is into you, he will make it his mission to be with you."
You would think that this girl would probably just say thank you for the advice and hang up the phone, considering that she was on a national radio station. Instead, this dummy gave us ladies a bad name and continued to let her stupid flag fly.
"But I know that he loves me because he gets really jealous when I talk to other guys and he treats me like gold and he just needs time."
Good ole Delilah proceeded to state the obvious, "If he treated you like gold, then he would be with you."
The female caller shamed all of us ladies that day, but did something we all do. She was making excuses for a man who didn't deserve it. Let's go over some of the things we make excuses for men over:
1) He didn't mean it- We say this when our man or whoever says or does something outlandishly hurtful. It is something that takes us aback and we can't find a legitimate reason for the sudden outburst so we just brush it off as an impulsive act that they didn't really mean to say/do.
2) He needs time- This is what we say when a man is not doing what we want him to do when we want him to do it. For instance, you have been seeing a guy on a regular basis and you are ready to become an exclusive couple, but he is not ready.
3) He needs space- This is what we say to our girlfriends when our boyfriends have called it quits or have issued a warrant for a "break." Y'all already know how I feel about breaks, we will get to that later though.
4) He is just a guy- Probably the worst excuse we can make for a man is this one. We use this one when a man is being a "man." This often includes being mean, uncaring, cold, forgetful, not spending time with us, doing the "bros before hoes" thing, etc.
If you are reading through these and your mouth has dropped to the floor in astonishment at how stupid these really sound, it's because they really are stupid. If you are wondering who actually gives these excuses, look in the mirror. We all do it at some point or another. I would now like to give my take on these excuses:
1) He didn't mean it- Well, the shitty truth about this one is that he did mean it. Here's a scenario for you from my personal repertoire: I was down at my pool one day with Cassie and my ex. He told me he needed to go check the mail at his house. Okay, fine, that takes like five seconds and he wouldn't be missing out on our pool day. Stop and get me a diet coke while you are at it. Well, after about 45 minutes, I started to wonder if he had gotten sucked into a black hole or pulled into the Hunger Games. I called, no answer. Cool. He showed up about 10 seconds later and I asked, "Did you get lost babe?" I even put a little giggle behind it to tease. Innocent enough, or at least I thought it was. Obviously, I had hit a nerve because he freaked out, said some very profane things and essentially told me to calm the f down about what he was doing and that he was really doing what he said he was doing. If I had been suspicious about him before (which I wasn't), I sure as hell was after that! He did this all while Cass was floating on my ripped netted pool float. She was there for it all. I don't typically get embarrassed about things. If you live through life with my mom yelling things like "mullet skirts" in Target every time she spotted a hi- lo skirt on a rack, your tendency to get embarrassed wanes. Tyler's friend Chris said, "it should be a right of passage in life to have to shop in Target with Caroline." It really should be! Just kidding Mom, I love you. But seriously!
But on this day, with my best friend staring at me with wide eyes of shock at my crummy efforts to scoop my jaw off the ground from that stunning word punch I just took, I was embarrassed. He didn't say anything to me after that, nor I to him, not until much later. Cassie and I talked and I was just like, "He didn't mean it." But he did mean it. When someone busts out and calls you an asshole, it's not an instantaneous thing. They have probably been thinking you were an asshole for quite sometime, just never saying it out loud. It's only a matter of time before the stream of cuss words you want to say to someone comes out between your teeth. We, women and men alike, let thoughts about others and anger at them boil up inside us until it turns into a monster of nightmarish proportions that forces its way from your brain and heart and out through our mouths. That is what he was thinking of me at that moment, that I was a spastic lunatic who needed to know his every whereabouts with GPS latitude and longitude coordinates. He didn't "mean" to say it out loud, but he meant what he said.
We all say things that we "don't mean" but that is no reason for it to be okay. Do not by any means, use this as an excuse for unacceptable behavior of someone.
2) He needs time- Ha, this is my favorite one. If a man says he needs time he really means that needs time to come up with a good enough reason not to date your "crazy" ass but one that is not harsh enough to decrease his chances of still sleeping with you. It is so disgustingly true. He wants you around when he wants you around, but he doesn't want you around. If a guy likes you, even a second of time is too long to be without you. So, when a guy tells you he needs time, you best hop on your Firebolt and fly away like you are after a golden snitch real quick like.
3)He needs his space- Unless you two are living together in a 1 square foot hole, he has space. I've often found that when a guy says this, there is another girl involved. He needs space to figure out who he wants to be with more. If he wants to be with you, the question doesn't even cross his mind. Now, we are all human here and we sometimes think about if the grass is greener on the other side. Most of the time, the guy is wanting a "break." Ugh, I cannot stand the idea of it. It's a pathetic excuse to go and have your fun with that person who you like the idea of, and still have your constant companion on the back burner when things go South. Or, maybe I should say North in a relationship. Obviously very dirty minded today. If some guy tells you he needs his space, you tell him this is not a damn Dixie Chicks song and that he can have his space or he can have you.
(Seriously though, don't smother your boyfriend. Smothering a fire puts the flame out. Give him his "space" if you know what I mean. Let him hang with his friends, don't bitch when he wants to play Call of Duty, and don't blow up his phone 35 hours a day. You know you don't like that crap either!).
4) He is just being a guy- Um, the last time I checked, the only thing that really separates a guy from a gal is an extra piece of skin surrounding some nerves and a little muscle hanging between their legs. That is no excuse for them to be uncaring, unloving, cold creatures. I mean Edward Cullen has more feelings and he doesn't technically have a heart. I tend to not associate things like "forgetting" to call for a few days or blowing you off to hang out with friends after you two have had these plans for days, with being a man. That is something a little boy would do. Men are still humans and should act and respond like humans. This whole bad ass guy attitude doesn't work for me. I'm not looking for a fluffy bunny, but I can't deal with Dr. Dick either.
We all make excuses for people at some point in time. We say our men are just being men and our men say we are just in a bad mood when we are having an epic meltdown. The point is, there is a difference in sticking up for the ones you love and making excuses for them. Never let a guy push you over and make you think that taking time off to be with someone else is okay, never accept cruel words but always accept sincere apologies, and do not chalk up a bad attitude to being a dude. But remember, if he is worth it, he is your man. Attempt to see things his way and defend him to the bitter end. There is a difference. It is a very fine line indeed. But do not let someone push over you and make you think that something you know is wrong is right. Don't let them have it their way if you know it is wrong. This is not Burger King.
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