Hello all,
Here we are back with another tale of the infamous Dirtaay 3's. This was actually when we were still just 2 D3s. Cassie and I had to go shopping after the freezer broke and turned into something a raccoon would have considered a feast. I had been grocery shopping before, obviously, but I normally had a list of things to get from my dad or mom. I figured we were smart and we could just wing it. When we got to the "ghetto Walmart," the Walmart just up on West Tennessee Street that always has lines back to electronics because they keep maybe half of a register open all day long to supply all us needy college students. I call it ghetto Walmart because there is always something funky going on with it and I always see the most fabulous people up there. And by fabulous I mean they need to be on What Not to Wear faster than Anna Kendrick can do the "Cups" song. I went up there one night around 2 in the morning to get something that I must not have been able to wait another 7 or 8 hours for and stood in line for the only register open for about 15 minutes. I was behind this black woman and man who couldn't have been much older than I am. The guy was being very flamboyant and animated about everything from magazine covers to what his female friend was buying. All of a sudden he looked down at the floor and squealed, "UGGHHH, EW Jasmine what is that!? Look at that creature on the ground!" He was pointing to a mole cricket that was lying lazily on the floor just doing whatever mole crickets do I guess. I am not sure how it got there, but I have learned not to question what you find/see in Walmart. A mole cricket is certainly not the weirdest thing I've seen. The guy was still talking about it trying to figure out what this "wild animal" was. I was trying not to laugh because it was very entertaining listening to him talk to his friend and the cashier about it. Finally, he seemed to have had a light click on over his head. "I know what it is," he exclaimed excitedly, pointing to the mole cricket. "It's a crawdad! Yep, I knew that's what it was. Look at that crawdad! I wonder how it got in here!? Damn animals in Walmart, what the hell?" I then actually laughed out loud very audibly. How on earth he figured that little bug was a crawdaddy is totally beyond me! If there was an actual crawdad in Walmart, that might just take things to a whole new level.
Anyways, Cassie and I were shopping in ghetto Walmart and I went in on an empty tummy. Probably not a very good idea because everything from powdered sugar to sweet gerkin pickles sounds as wonderful as a Ruth's Chris filet. At some point, I decided I wanted bacon. I wanted to make my favorite meal, breakfast for dinner, later on that night. I walked over to bacon section next to the deli meat and found myself beside this guy. He was actually rather handsome standing there minding his own business. I thought Cassie was somewhere near me and I was going to ask her what kind of bacon we should get. I was going to be cooking for her too since she can barely boil water without getting bored waiting for it. I pondered for a moment over all the different sorts of bacon. I never really realized there were so many until that moment. I said, "So, do you like it thin and crispy or thick and hearty?" thinking that Cassie was still right there. That's when I noticed the guy made some sort of distressed sound and took two steps further away from me and then walked away giving me an odd look. I turned to look over my shoulder, Cassie was no where to be seen! Oh shit, I thought, this dude probably thought I was making some sort of sexy insinuation through means of strips of bacon! I was so dumbfounded and embarrassed that I didn't even get the bacon. I had to get Cassie to go and pick it out. She refuses to let me live this story down, so might as well tell it to the world anyways.
Needless to say, my favorite kind of bacon is thick, center cut. No more need to consider each type aloud and potentially scare off other males in search of the best breakfast meat there is.
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