Hello all,
It is a dreary day indeed and I feel like there is no other sensible thing for me to do other than laying in my bed and watching movies on HBO. By the way all my Tally lads and lassies, channel 999 is HBO. Yep, you don't need a box or anything. Thanks for sharing your secrets of the world Chelsea!
On these lazy, rainy days, I tend to get a lot of thinking done. Sometimes it is in the form of daydreaming, or regular strange dreams that I fall into when I inevitably succumb to a midday snooze. Lately they have all been about arguments over a boy. I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but these visions of slumber must go. Sometimes, I just lay on my cold sheets and stare up at the ceiling fan and wonder about things. Today, per usual, I started thinking about love. Wow, I sound like something out of a poem or romance novel. How cliche and cheesy? I guess I am then.
My question today is: how do you know if you are second best to someone? Did someone choose you because you are the MVP to them, or did they pick you because you were the last kid in line for a kickball game and they had no other option? Are you silver or are you titanium? Who would he save first in a life or death situation: you or her?
Like with boys. I often speak of this boy I dated in high school. To me, he was my first best. I knew I had an itch for him and he would be the only one who could scratch it right. He sure enough made me feel special. We would hang out during and after school, talk on the phone late at night, and the pheromones of infatuation clung to us like cologne. However, he had a girlfriend at the time. For a few weeks, he wouldn't break up with her. But if I was so special,his first best so to say, wouldn't he have dropped her like his britches before getting in the shower that instant? So what really happened then? Did she find out about me and get fed up with our infamous love triangle and leave him hanging out to dry, or did he really come to his senses and realize I was his only best?
The sad truth is, I will never know.
Sure, he told me I was. But was that just because he was with me? If she had in fact left him, was he just settling because I was there? I would like to think not, but who can ever know except for him.
What do words really mean any ways? They are nothing if not backed up by action. Someone could tell me they love me until the cows come home, but I'd never believe it without feeling it. That's how I knew something was up with oh what's his name. He told me he loved me countless times every day, but his words were lost in how he presented himself to me. His affection for me dwindled over the summer months along with my trust in what he told me. So, I started to question it and ultimately not believe it anymore. That's why we aren't together anymore. That and he's a self-absorbed, hypocritical, expecting everything on a silver platter fool.
You know someone is your best when you find yourself comparing that person to everything and they end up winning everything so often that you no longer make the comparisons. If you are still pointing the less than or equal to sign at someone, they are not it. Also, if you think someone is your best and you come to find you were not theirs, you know they weren't yours. Lesson learned. Wouldn't it be so much easier if we had a magic mirror like Snow White's evil stepmother did to tell us who is fairest?
I believe we do, it's our hearts. Not just on the surface, but deep inside.
If you feel like you may even possibly be second best to someone, do yourself a favor and don't bother. If he or she really believes you are their best best, they will fight, sweat, and chase to make you see that you are. Someone saying how special you are, how in love with you he is, he wouldn't trade you for the world, it means nothing. I say, he will come to you if you are his best best. When he has climbed Everest and wrote your name in the clouds is the only time it is acceptable for you to give in.
Some people may say, does this really matter? I think it does. Some say, if you are chosen you are chosen, no matter when the choice was made. I disagree. I think it speaks volumes about the person holding the cards.
I'll leave you with this: you shouldn't be someone's second best when God put a best best out there for you. And you shouldn't settle for someone that settles for you either. What kind of relationship is that?
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