Everybody Talks

Hello all,

In light of all this sadness, I feel that I need to bring a little humor back into my day. So, I have decided to post something that I have considered doing for a while.

Men say they can never figure women out and they want to know what we talk about. Well, I am here to let you know, we are probably worse than y'all in terms of randomness, perversion, profaneness, and stupidity. There is no secret language we speak. We don't really talk about girly things together. I am going to shed light on this and prove it as a fact by sharing a group text between myself and two friends Destiny and Sarah. I'll keep it as clean as possible by putting &*^&%^%$ where appropriate.

So last night, I was feeling a bit down. I have no idea why, but I have been in this funk lately. Needless to say, I needed a really good laugh. Like it was meant to happen or something, Destiny sent me a text with a picture that said:

"Why the hell do guys expect so much from us like they want us to have a flat stomach, big a$$, big boobs, pretty face, and a perfect personality while some of these guys look like f*%^ing apes. Bye"

Girly move, make it your point to be the last word heard, then ditch out. Not a single opportunity for rebuttal here.

We all started phone laughing when Dest prompted me to go look at something on Instagram. I'll do my best at explaining, which is not something I am good at. You would think my job was butchering every perfect joke, like I was getting paid for it.

So, I went on Instagram to find this picture of a big, pretty white wolf and a heading that claimed this would determine your werewolf name. On this picture, were two columns of random words such as grey, moon, claw, vixen, crescent, etc. I mean honestly, what happened to Jacob Black? The rules said, "from the first column find the first letter of your first name, and from the second column find the last letter of your last name to make your werewolf name."

Below the picture of the wolf was a place where people could comment with their name and their thoughts on it. Here is the funny part:

Someone commented with, "My name, is frickin Moon Moon. I'd be the most retarded wolf like, "Oh, sh!t, who brought f&^%ing Moon Moon along?"

As soon as I saw this, well first off, I couldn't get past "Moon Moon" for the first thirty minutes because I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard. I couldn't breathe! I was literally incapacitated for a half hour, clutching my sides from the cramps I got. Chelsey said she could hear me from in the next room trying not to laugh but relenting to my uncontrollable chuckling. I wish I knew how to post pictures on this blog because this would be the first picture I uploaded. I will figure it out and do so soon!

I was eventually able to text them back through gasps and giggle attacks. This is how our conversation went from there:

Sarah: Where are these coming from?

Destiny: This app called iFunny, please go download it.

Me: Ravenous Crescent!!!!!! (my name, or at least I thought it was).

Sarah: Downloading now

Destiny: Is that your werewolf name??

Me: I still can't breathe. Yes.

Sarah: No Cara, you are ravenous warrior. I am grey vixen. Dest you are ancient hunter lmfao.

Destiny: A f$%&ing old a$$ animal killer. Great.

Me: Wow cool Sarah, they knew you were a slut.

Sarah: *&^%ing awesome Cara, that was just dandy!

Destiny: Lmao, da*&, Ravenous Crescent. Dont let her talk to you like that, Grey Vixen! Sarah you gave me the wrong (*&^ing name!

Me: lmao what is it Dest?

Sarah: She's a warrior. I'm a little intimidated, all I have is my slutty tendencies.

Destiny: I WASN'T AWARE MY LAST NAMES STARTED WITH AN A!

Sarah: No b*^%#, unless I don't know your (*&ing last name!!! LAST LETTER OF YOUR LAST NAME!!!!!

Me: It's the last letter of your last name Moon Moon.

Sarah: learn to read *&^%$$s

Destiny: D*&^ I am (*&*^ing Moon Moon for real!

Me: Whatever slut of the wolf pack

Destiny: I APOLOGIZE

Sarah: It's too late

Me: I can't handle this conversation, I am dying.

Sarah: Dude me too.

Destiny: Yall I need to go to bed

Sarah: everyone should be allowed to read this group message

Destiny: Stop making me laugh.

Me: Yes they really should, I may have to post this in a blog.

Sarah: you should

Destiny: OMG YES I WANNA BE FAMOUS

Sarah: I've been famous 4 times before. No big deal!

Me: like tonight, I'm going to for sure. It's gonna be about what girls really talk about.

Destiny: (in response to Sarah's bragging) Wow whatever

Me: *&^**& werewolf names and shot.

Me: (*&^

Sarah: shot

Destiny: and shots**

Sarah: Yes shots. Lots of shots.

Destiny: Lol we're weird and dumb

Destiny: HOW ARE WE SINGLY?

Destiny: Single* lol

Sarah: We are hilarious and I don't see how we don't have boyfriends

*I do, we talk about werewolf names, form impromptu wolfpacks, and fart on each other.*

I will elaborate on another story to further prove my point on how girls are so not girls. I mentioned before in the first post that Cassie and I attended FSU orientation together. It is hard to believe that was over three months ago!

Anyways, we were in our dorm room late at night giggling like crazy. You would have thought we were talking about something secretive and girly like sex stories in Cosmo or people we didn't like. Nope. We were making Pokemon sounds at each other and throwing around fake Pokeballs until five in the morning cracking up like a couple of fools.

See this is what we do. We talk about werewolf names, we are cocky and full of ourselves, curse more than we should, pick on each other, and frequently call each other dude. Anything girly is rarely brought up.I will admit, 9 times out of 10, our conversations somehow turn to boys. I mean for real we could be talking about Dr. Pepper or Venus Fly Trap plants and some how up talking about men. There is a rare few moments during the day where we talk about cool stuff we found on Pinterest, how bad we want something greasy, cheesy and chocolatey with frosting but feel guilty about it and how we should go do 5 million crunches for thinking about it, what kind of wedding we want (even though most of us don't even have boyfriends), and the struggle of how Starbucks is so unfairly priced but we have no choice but to pay for it because we are addicted. Just ask Destiny, she has at least 5 glass frappe Starbucks bottles clinking around in her car at anytime. I am being nice by saying five, in reality it's more like 8-12. Hoarder! We are "girls" for about fifteen minutes a day.

So that is the secret men. The secret is, there is no secret. We are just as dudely as you are.