Oh, Shit!

Hello all,

Wanted to drop in and tell y'all a semi- funny story. It's probably not that great, but I enjoyed suffering through it.

Saturday was a pretty lazy day for the Overstreet-Frey household. I decided to leave the house and go get some Diet Cokes. Of course, it only made sense to drive cross town to make that purchase at Target, you know, instead of merely walking to the Publix that is one block away from our sweet little corner bungalow. Somehow, I didn't even make it to Target, I got sidetracked and ended up in my favorite place: TJ Maxx. I am so serious, if they sold meat, fresh veggies, and drinks, I wouldn't shop anywhere else! That place is a goldmine to me, and haters gone hate to those who do not feel the same way. I don't know who wouldn't be over the moon to find a super cute Tommy Hilfiger dress and some throw pillows to match for 30 bucks, but they must be a miserable fuck.

So, I get lost down aisles of trendy lamps and weird, but delicious snacks, for a few minutes. Luckily, I come to my senses before the point of no return and make a reasonable purchase of a few dog toys for my two ridiculously spoiled doggos, some socks to replace Nick's stank ass overly worn work socks, and some weird chocolate candies that are to die for. I remember Target, surely there must be one close by. There is, I realize, just up the road, and start to make my way towards it before the buyer's remorse sets in deep.

As I am jamming out to Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede, my song cuts out to a phone call from Nick. I answer it curiously, as he usually does not call me. We've been dating for about two and a half years now, and I can probably count all of our actual phone calls on my fingers and maybe the toes on one of my feet. I can tell something is mildly wrong, just by the way he is talking with sheer surprise in his voice. Our phone call went something like this:

Me: "Hey babe, what's up?"

Nick: "Nothing much, just about to leave for the gym. But uh, when I was on my way out, I heard a weird noise and thought maybe it was the dogs so I went back inside to check. It did it again and I figured it was coming from upstairs nothing to worry about. I thought, since I am back inside, I'll pee before I head out to the gym. But, uh, when I went into the bathroom, I was hit with a fucking awful smell and thought maybe you'd just blown up the toilet without warning me before you left. I didn't see any evidence of that, and then I realized, it was coming from the tub. Cara, there is brown doo- doo water in our tub. I don't know what is happening. What do I do?"

Me: *in shock*: "Oh, um... Well, that's friggin' gross as shit."

Nick: "Yeah, and the toilet won't flush either."

Me: *panicking because I already know I am going to have Starbucks later, which for me is the equivalent of a colon cleanse*: "Oh, that definitely isn't good. Let me call my uncle aka landlord to see what is going on."

I whip a wild U-turn, even though Nick says it is not necessary, the doo doo brown water will probably be here when you get done doing what you are doing, and dial my uncle's number. Thank god, he answers. Praises.

Me: "Hey, Uncle Shaw, um Nick just called me and told me we have like sewer water backed up in our tub right now... is that normal?" (stupid, obviously it's not fucking normal, there is shit water in your tub where the suds and bath bombs should be).

Uncle: "Oh, wow, um sorry about that. No, it isn't normal, but it has happened before, old plumbing system in the building, too much water being run upstairs at one time, who knows, but it usually resolves itself, but let me know if it doesn't. It's a shitty situation, literally, but just take some bleach to it when it drains."

Me: "Okay, got it, see you in a few weeks!"

Forgot to mention: NICK AND I JUST BOOKED OUR FLIGHT TO SEATTLE TO GO SEE MY GRANDPARENTS AND AUNT AND UNCLE IN AUGUST! IT IS OUR FIRST PLANE TRIP TOGETHER AND I AM SO FRIGGIN EXCITED!

I get home, drop the TJ Maxx bag in the kitchen, where it is safe from any permeating stench, as Nick has warned me the house smells like butthole. Expecting the worst, I creep around the corner to find him, plunger in hand trying to tackle the brown beast that is in our tub. He looks mortified. I am giddy with entertainment at his expression of defeat. The plunging does not seem to help, so I suggest we retreat and hopefully it will just go down like in past times. He is leaving for the gym, my fat ass is pleased at an offer of Mellow Mushroom with my brother and his girlfriend. We both escape the foul doo doo water for a while.

Freshly full from a delicious pie (Kosmic Karma, add pepperoni please, side of Sweetwater Blue), I return to my keep to see if the brown beast has retreated back down the pipes where it belongs. To my horror, it is about three inches higher. I cringe thinking we will have to defile the Walgreens bathroom later, should the need arise. The need would be probable, after greasy pizza and coffee. One is usually enough to do the job. I turn to leave and hear a not-of-this-earth sound, and watch the water rise even higher. Oh, the horror! I call my uncle back and say it is getting worse, he comes through and says a plumber will be out first thing in the morning. Crossing my fingers, it only has so many inches to go before the doo doo water peaks the sides of the tub and takes over the house slowly.

My adult way of handling this shituation? Retreating! We loaded up the dogs and left for a Starbucks and Pokemon Go date as planned. Nothing was standing in the way of one of our cheap date nights, not even a tub for of poo water. After a cold brew with sweet cream and a raid on a gym, we returned home, crossing all of our fingers that the plumbing problem had resolved itself. I peaked around the corner with caution, praying and hoping. To my delight, all the doo doo water had receded to the sewers below.

Small victories in the life of young adults are so important.