Cupid's Chokehold

Hello all from my sickbed,

Sorry for the delay in posting, I needed to gather ideas and rid myself of the green monster of snot that has built itself inside my respiratory tract. The gathering of ideas for this post was a success, defeating the snot queen and her minions, not so much. I felt decent enough to get my butt out of bed for a few hours though to go to Jersey Mikes to indulge in a 2 dollar sub. Dinner for 2 bucks in Tally is a rare find my friends, Cassie and I felt that we had to take advantage. We also went to the movies to see Lincoln. It was okay, wait for it to come out on Redbox. Can I just mention that I really hate that the Redbox rates have went up to 1.29?!?!?! Of course, everyone will still buy them, but the beauty of it was in the one dollar price. Why did they have to go and ruin such a marvelous thing?

I was at Wal-Mart a few nights ago, purchasing some Mucinex DM (God's gift to sick people) and I saw that they were setting up for the best holiday of the year, Valentine's Day. Ah yes, bring on the overstuffed, over priced teddy bears and heart-shaped everything. I don't know why girls say they hate Valentine's day. Please, girl, shut up. Deep down inside your big toe, you love it.

Now something may have caused you to be bitter about this day. Perhaps you got sent a bouquet of flowers with "I love you Jenny" by your boyfriend but your name is Molly and you now know he is cheating on you. Ouch, okay it may be acceptable for you to hate Valentine's day then. But that is the only reason. But these people who throw anti-cupid parties just because they don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend are ridiculous. Don't hate on the overstuffed bears and those heart candies with the messages on them, embrace them. Even if you have to buy a bag of them for yourself, celebrate this marvelous day. Love yourself.

As I looked around at the 3 foot tall cards and cherub balloons I started thinking about the men who have to buy their loved ones gifts. I feel as though this may be really intimidating to a man, what with all the frilly pink girly stuff. One could easily get scared off and sidetracked. Their minds go from, "Hmm... would she like this?" to "Oh God, does she even like pink? Isn't she allergic to chocolate? Or wait, is it nuts?" Then somehow, like magic, they end up in the gun and fishing rod section and the whole shopping trip is a fail.

I'll admit, my boyfriends never had it easy. You see, my birthday is February 16th. To those of you who passed the first grade, that is a mere two days after Valentine's Day. However, those two days might as well have been two months to me. I refused to celebrate the two events together. I had to have separate gifts or outings for both. Not that they had to be expensive tokens of affection, I just wanted them to be separate. I think I like the idea of opening something or doing something twice more than I actually care for the present. Good thing for most men, you aren't dating me, so you only have to do this once.

Fear not gentlemen, I have here the perfect guide to giving that special someone the perfect gift. Best of all, it's free! Probably the only free thing you will buy this Valentine's Day so take full advantage. Some of the ideas I am putting in here are also free, they just require a bit of time, thought and effort which we know you are all capable of from the way you plan assaults on Call of Duty. So below is a list of things you may want to consider before buying your gf her gift. Think carefully now and choose wisely, this could determine the amount of "sugars" you get this coming year.

1) Handmade cards- Have you looked at the price of those 3 foot tall cards? If you haven't, they are a whopping 20 dollars!!! Most of the time, the sayings on the inside are not that great. Personally, I love cards, especially the dirty ones. I think they are hilarious and they make me giggle. In fact, every girl I have talked to recently about the matter say they really love cards. However, it has come to my attention that handmade cards are soo much better than the ones from a store. As you may or may not know, Cassie's boyfriend is a marine. For nine months all they really had to go on was snail mail. I remember one care in particular that came to her in the mail. It was a bear from a Teddy Graham's box with its arms spread open. Matt had taken a black sharpie and wrote the words I love you this much between them. It was sooooo CUTE! We sat there and oogled over it for quite some time. The fact that it was handmade made the card so much better. Anyone can just buy a card, but it takes a lot of love and creativity to make one yourself. Now, don't get discouraged if you are not the best writer or if you don't know where to start, just break out the colored paper and scissors and start. Trust me, it's the fact that you took some time to do this and actually thought about it that we adore. It could look like a second grader's macaroni art project, but 9 times out of ten your girl will love it. The man who makes me a card that says, "I love you like Dobby loves socks," will be the man I marry. Just saying.

2) Candy- Every girl loves candy. I think it is pretty self explanatory. Figure out what her favorite candy is, buy it, put in cute bag or simply lay it out on table. Some people with creative minds have come up with sayings to write on the boxes that go a long with the name of the candy. Pinterest is loaded with these ideas. Most are really cheesy, but hey, we eat that cheesy crap up! I've seen things from sticking a note on a box of Swedish Fish saying "you're a really great catch," to "you stole a piece of my heart" on a box of Reesee's pieces. Dorky and corny, but cute! Now don't get too imaginative and say something like, "I love you more than all the candy in this box" when it's single serve bag of M&Ms. There are only like 20 pieces, that's not a whole lot of love.

3) Jewelry- Now this is a biggie. If you are going to purchase jewelry, make sure it is the type of metal she likes. If you notice that your gf never wears yellow gold, do not buy her yellow gold! There is probably a reason she doesn't wear it, that reason being that she doesn't like it. Go easy on the design of the jewelry. There are only so many things we can wear a big heart pendant with a ruby stone with. If you want to see her wear it all the time, get her something she can wear all the time. Stick to clear stones (diamonds, white sapphires, etc) or go with her favorite color, and go with simple, pretty and classy designs. Myself and friends alike prefer necklaces with skinny chains, box being the strongest and best. I personally like pearls and amethysts. Look through her stuff and take notice of what she wears. If you notice she already has a bracelet that she wears all the time, try to find some earrings or a ring that matches. Some of you reading this may not be able to afford jewelry. Totally fine! There are plenty of other options on this list.

4) Stuffed Animals- I personally am a sucker for the stuffies! If you any of you have seen Valentine's Day the movie, I am Taylor Swift carrying that big bear into the elevator. However, some girls, like Cassie, HATE stuffed animals. Or at least the over-sized obnoxious ones. She feels that they sit around collecting dust and taking up space. One year, I was with Cassie and her boyfriend at the time walking around Wal-Mart a few days before Valentine's Day when she professed aloud that she detested stuffed animals. Poor Ryan's face grew whiter than usual. When the big day arrived, Cassie walked out to her car to find a huge stuffed dog strapped into the front seat. Before she could even lie and say she loved it Ryan said, "Oh hush I already know you hate it!" While I would have loved the stuffed animal, some girls just do not like them. If you are not sure whether she likes them or not, go for a smaller teddy and leave the life-sized ones on the shelf.

5) Outings- When I say outings, I mean any kind of date, whether it be going to dinner, going to a movie, or just out in the public in general. This year, I encourage you men to get off the beaten track. Don't take her somewhere you always go! Men in Macclenny, Woody's is NOT and I repeat NOT Valentine's Day worthy! Not that it doesn't have decent food or anything... just don't do it. Try going somewhere neither of you have been before, it can be an experience you always remember. Pick somewhere quaint and with a low people capacity. Nobody likes to be crowded when they are trying to fondle under the table or trying to do naughty things to each other with their eyes. If you go to the movies, give in and let it be a girly movie. Trust me, there are always girly movies on Valentine's Day. If girly movies aren't her thing, fine. Just use good judgement. If you know she really wants to see mushy gushy love fest, don't take her to see Revenge of the Blood-Sucking Zombies. The longest it will be is 2 hours and she will love you for it.

These are just general things I have heard that girls like. I myself am in favor of all of them. I'd like to offer some advice out of my own personal repertoire.

* Surprise her- If it is one thing girls love, whether they admit it or not, it's being surprised. Say you get her something like candy or flowers. Don't just set them out and say here you go. Put them somewhere she will not suspect or give them to her at a random time. One of my roommates Ashley had to wait all day to get her Valentine's Day present. She was so angry and thought Ryan had forgotten about her, but when it came to the door, she was soo excited and happy.

*Handmade is best- I already said this with the card, just try it! Candy cards are my favorite right now. Its where you glue certain candy bars or candies to a big piece of cardboard with a storyline. You use the candy bars to fill in certain parts to the story. I am doing a horrible job of describing this, just google it.

*Flowers- Yeah they are pretty useless after a few days but every girl needs flowers on Valentine's Day.

*Make her dinner- Cooking for a girl is sexy as hell. Even if you suck at it, it's still cute and we appreciate the effort. If you end up having to order in pizza or go somewhere because the Chicken Parmesan looks more like charbroiled burgers, that's okay. I am pretty sure someone wrote a country song about that. Everybody knows that country songs are like a bible for love.

* Take a walk- It doesn't sound very romantic right now, but add some sand, the waves gently breaking on the shore, and a little bit of moonlight and you have yourself a picture perfect ending to Valentine's Day. The beach, a lake, or a picturesque park are all good ideas. I've had walks on the beach that ended very nicely for my at the time boyfriend and I. We barely made it back to the car.

*Sing/play for her- Maybe it's because I was raised in the South but nothing is sexier to me than a boy who can strum on a guitar. Huge turn on, well, for me at least! If you can't sing, it's still kinda cute. If you sound like William Hung, please revisit the other ideas on this list, I am sure you can find one to suit your liking.

*Spend time with her- It's not necessarily the amount of money you spend on presents during Valentine's day. It's the amount of time. Honestly, we just want your attention and affection. Don't take that for granted.

* Burn a CD- This is an oldie but a goodie. Put all "your" songs onto a blank CD and stick it in her CD player in her car before she goes to work/school/ etc. It is a nice surprise to have something like that, and it means a lot that you carefully selected each song because it meant something to the both of you.

* DO NOT FORGET IT IS VALENTINE'S DAY- Period. End of story. Wal-Mart started putting out decorations the day after New Years. There is no excuse. Write it on your forehead if you have to. DO NOT FORGET!

*Momma- Don't forget about your momma or your grandma. You wouldn't be here had it not been for them. It doesn't have to be an extravagant present, just a card or even just a good hug. Mom's are suckers for that stuff!

All in all, it's not the amount of money you spend, but the amount of thought and heart you put into your gift to your significant other. We aren't asking for an island (although that would be pretty freaking sweet), we just ask to be recognized.