Night of Magical Proportions pt. 1

Hello all,

Surprisingly, I am up before 2 in the afternoon by a few hours. This is pretty substantial considering I can't remember the last time I woke up on my own at nine in the morning. These extra hours have given me some time to reflect on the past few weeks and all that has happened during them. Over my piece of toast, blackberries, and coffee from my new Keurig (Thanks Daddy!) I have been looking back at a Saturday. As a matter of fact, it was two Saturdays ago. This was no ordinary Saturday though. This was the day I turned 21 years old.

Now, I didn't always want to have a huge 21st birthday party. I thought to myself, nobody will drive two hours to come out to Tallahassee for this, let alone people around here. I am not sure why I was being so pessimistic, it's not like I don't have friends. To be honest, I did not want to be responsible for all the people at my house or have to clean up the gigantic mess it was sure to be (and was). It is safe to say that I am not a party thrower. I would much rather attend them than plan one myself. I just wasn't in the mood I guess.

Cassie and Chelsey were not having it though. They said how ridiculous I was being and told me it was a big deal and that I absolutely had to go out and do something. I reluctantly gave in to the idea of a waltz. What is a waltz you may ask? Well, a waltz could be for anyone I suppose, but it is what you do when you celebrate your twenty first birthday while in college. You pick a theme and have everyone dress the part. Then you pick a place to go out and celebrate at. Your friends make you a sign that goes along with the theme of your party that will hang boldly around your neck to let everyone and their cousin know that you were born on this day 21 years ago. This sign has twenty one rules on it that the birthday girl or boy must attempt to do. The last rule on the sign is that you have to officially get inducted into adulthood by ceremoniously swimming in the legendary Westcott fountain on campus. I'm not sure how other colleges do it since Westcott fountain is native only to FSU. I am sure there are other fountains though. I mean, UF has this swamp they are always bragging about, I am sure they could swim in that (crack at Tyler). I have heard that this is just a Southern thing to do and that not everyone does a waltz. I think everyone should do them, it is truly an event to live through.

So, I decided on the waltz. I was either doing nothing or going all out. You see,I like to go to the extreme ends of things, and if I was celebrating, I was going to throw down hard. Anyone want to take a gamble at what the theme of my waltz was? If you guessed anything to do with lightening bolt scars or Hogwarts, you are absolutely right. Of course, I chose Harry Potter as my theme. I wasn't having it any other way. It was so me and fit perfectly. Cassie thought we could ask everyone to wear black and then make badges for the four houses. She's so creative. Then I got super nerdy and said, "THEN WE CAN SORT THEM INTO THEIR HOUSES!!!!!". Obviously I wasn't about to break out the sorting hat, but I had an idea.

Side note- I will admit here that when I took my very first tour of FSU, I decided I was going to go to school here one way or another because our dining hall was modeled after the Great Hall in Harry Potter. It doesn't have the trademark long tables but the ceilings and wooden beams are enough to make anyone think that Dumbledore could walk in at any moment. It saddens me to think that I have not been back to the Suwanee Room since orientation, but the food got old real quick and I haven't had a taste for cafeteria pizza since.

Back to the birthday shenanigans, I had picked my theme. Now I just needed some friends. Since high school, I have pruned the rose bush of friendship drastically. I have about a handful of real friends and I am completely okay with that. I think it is better to have a few that you are 100% positive will bail you out of jail rather than a circus you can't rely on. I was worried I wouldn't be able to think of anyone else, but I have met numerous people in the land of the Seminole and I decided to invite everyone I had said hi to since moving out here. Turns out that all together that is about 25 people, which is great because that's about all I can handle.

The guest list included myself and Cassie, my two fabulosome (fabulous + awesome= fabulosome?) roommates Chelsey and Jess, my friend Chelsea and her friend Sandy who I will be spending my spring break with on Panama City Beach, my little brother Tyler, the infamous Taytum and Sierra, Chelsey's bf Jacob Mark, Dest the Best and CoCo, Kimbo Slice and David, Lew and Hunter, Matt and his friend Mike, Will aka "Stranger Danger," Austin (the guy who saved me from getting thrown out of a bar called Ken's Tavern for puking on the floor on the night of Cassie's 21st. Thanks Austin), and several other FSU male cheerleaders. These boys are like wolves and travel in packs, so if you invite one you invite all. Perks of being roommates and besties with a girl cheerleader is that you get to meet all big armed, strong bodied guys. I feel like I am forgetting someone or maybe a few and I am sorry if I have left you out. It was a really good group of people.

So I had the list, now I had to invite everyone. Thank the Lord for Facebook. I created an event page and here is what the invitation said:

"Cara is FINALLY turning 21! Her obsession of Harry Potter is about to take over Tallahassee as she and all of her friends invade Coliseum on Saturday the 16th of February. No need to wear a robe or carry a wand, but please dress in black and we will sort you into your houses. Bring your own poison of choice so we can keep the goblets full and the birthday girl smitten. The night will end with the traditional FSU fountain swim, but the fun doesn't have to end there. Feel free to join us back at the hotel room for her favorite birthday must, blowing out the birthday candles. So jump on your broomsticks and fly on over to our apartment at 9 pm. Prepare to get wickedly wasted and celebrate a night of magical proportions."

I wrote this with the help of Chelsey. She's really good for feedback and we wrote the one for Cassie's birthday together. So the bait was set and now I just had to wait for Saturday the 16th to get here.

Well, it came. Taytum and Sierra got here two days early to hang out and help make stuff for the party. Then Tyler came the night before to make sure I took my birthday shot at midnight. I went to the liquor store at midnight to make my first legal purchase (my only purchase because I was always too scared to do it before). While there, I am pretty sure the guy who rang me up asked me on a date. I don't know where that came into the conversation, but at the very end he said he would see me Tuesday at seven.... I must have zoned way out to Nova Scotia when I agreed to this night out. I never went though, I never gave him my phone number either, so there is no way he could have found me. I would have went though, just to see what dating was like. I have never actually dated around, just had boyfriends. Maybe that is what is wrong with me.

Tyler poured the birthday shots for everyone at midnight in the new shot glasses Cassie bought me for my birthday. We all toasted and threw them back to set off the start of a completely unforgettable weekend.

Loud Mouth of the South

Hello all from Oscar night in front of my tv,

Award season really is the best. It makes me feel like I want to be one of those movie stars. If only I had been born in LA instead of little ole Baker County.

So, this blog is a bit of a serious one. I normally try to portray myself in a positive light while still remaining true to myself. However, this post is slightly defaming. It very well may make you see me differently. I hope not though because everyone makes mistakes. I will say, this was a pretty bad no no.

I have this class called Family and Public Policy. It is supposed to be about learning the policies our government has in place for families and children on a state and national level. Well, I don't particularly enjoy this class, in fact I pretty much dread going to it. I think it is a combination of the fact that I am not interested in this specific area of study and the fact that it is at 9:30 in the morning. Compared to waking up after noon every other day of the week, 9:30 is a killer. On the whole, I just really don't like this class.

Last Tuesday, I was walking into my Pre Practicum class when I saw my friend Sarah Paul sitting outside in the hallway. I decided to say hello to her and we started talking about what I was doing. She asked what I was there for and I told her I had class in a few minutes (more like an hour, I showed up way early by mistake). SP proceeded to ask me what other Family and Child Sciences classes I was taking this spring. This is where the trouble begins:

"I have this stupid class called Family and Public Policy with Dr. Coco Reddick, and I hate everything about it. I feel like it is a waste of my time," I said rolling my eyes with clear disgust and loathing in my tone. Sarah and I continued chatting about it when a blonde girl sitting against the wall looked up and said, "Her office is right there."

I tried to quiet it down and play it off, but at that point, there was no saving myself. About that time, Dr. Reddick comes out from her office and strides towards where we were talking (suddenly we are all silent). Although I am trying desperately not to look at her, there is no denying she is emotional.

"I just thought I would step out and see who my little fan club consisted of," Dr. Reddick says. I can't help but look up at her now. But what I see is not what I expect. I was ready to see an angry face with flustered cheeks and a vein about to pop on her forehead like it happens in the cartoons. So I was completely taken aback when I saw pure sadness in its rawest form.

I had deeply offended and upset this woman. For a few seconds I considered running away as fast as my legs could carry me, but I was glued to the spot as I watched her walk away wounded. I was about to say goodbye to Sarah when she came back down the hallway and said, "Which one of you needs to see me?" Neither of us say a word but she stands there expectantly and asks me, "Is it you dear?" I say no but instead of her just walking away she pats my shoulder and says, "No dear, I think you do."

I tucked invisible tail between my legs and slumped behind her into her office. Sweat was already starting to bead on my brow when I sat shakily down into my chair. I mean, I had just insulted a woman who has total control of my grades and also knows all the other professors within my college so, naturally, I was about to faint.

I could see that I had really upset this poor woman. I hadn't meant to at all. But I did. She had tears welling up in her eyes so I did the only thing I could do, and that was to say how truly sorry I was. I apologized over and over and said how sorry I was for hurting her feelings. She said that her feelings were not hurt, her face said different.

Instead of yelling at me and threatening my academic future, she asked me if there was anyway she could help me or change my mind about the class. I was completely mind blown! How could I have been so heartless and cruel when she was so kind? She obviously cares about her students because she wanted to take one who just got through trashing her in the worst way possible and change her mind about the class. I am such a jerk sometimes. She tells me she could pick my voice out from the others and knew it had been me who said it. Me and my big mouth.

I told her the truth, or as much as I could without killing her emotionally. I explained that I was in a crummy mood and that I just didn't enjoy the class. It doesn't hold an interest for me, I tell her. For a second, she looks more offended and perhaps she is because she says, "Do you not care about what is going on in the world around you?"

I go on to tell her I don't watch the news anymore because it is nothing but people killing innocent children and blowing up movie theatres with assault rifles. Her face softens a bit, like she understands. I continue on telling her that the fact that I am not a morning person may have a little influence on the reason I do not care for the class. Somehow, this turns into a therapy session and I open up to this woman and tell her I am just tired of school in general. I mean let's be honest, I have been in school for 15 years now and I am over it. The fact that I have three more years is even more daunting. I persist that it is not her that I do not like. Honestly, I am very fond of her because of her light tone and enthusiasm. She may be the nicest teacher I have had here.

I continue by telling her that I don't like that there is nothing to follow along with in the class. I am not asking for a slide by slide powerpoint presentation of exactly what she is saying in lecture because that is boring but I need something visually stimulating so I can feel connected with what we are talking about. Amidst the cons of the class, I throw in a pro that I really enjoy most of the guest speakers that we have had, especially the two lesbian women who came in. They were really hilarious and I think touched every heart in that class. I tell her that I have never had a guest speaker in any of my other classes and that I enjoy hearing from experts in their field. After that, I wrap it up with another bout of apologies and how I will try to look at the class in a different light.

Amongst all the heavy stuff, we talk about where we are both from and we figure out that we are two southern belles. She is from Brunswick and I from hicktown nowhere. She was very interested in me and asked questions about what I wanted to do with my life after college. I tell her I want to be a physical therapist when I grow up, but I am absolutely horrified that I won't make it and that I am kind of clueless on how to get there. To my surprise, she offered to help me in any way she could. She thanked me for being truthful with her and for coming to talk with her and that a lot of other people would have just walked away. She called me brave. WOW. I totally didn't deserve that compliment.

This just goes to show you what a good person looks like. Someone totally crap talks you and your class and you extend a helping hand to that same person? Probably not what I would have done had I been in her shoes. If I was her, I would have pulled out my roster and marked a huge red F by my name and doodled devil horns on my picture beside my name.

The moral of this story is be careful what you say. You never know who is listening. The person you are talking about could be mere feet away from you and you could hurt them very badly. Everyone knows what it is like walk into a room and know someone was just talking about you, and not the, "she's so beautiful" way. It is the worst feeling in the world, so to actually hear it is even more catastrophic. You never know what someone is going through and your harsh words could push someone over the edge both literally and metaphorically. Be kind to others always, do it while you can. There may not be a tomorrow to apologize.

Letters to Juliet

Hello all from my bed,

That is absolutely right, it is 2:30 in the afternoon and I have yet to remove myself from my bed. See, I bought this thing called a Chillow and it is pretty darn amazing. It is a pillow insert that keeps your head cold at night. I have a friend who has a cold pillow that I always try to steal when I stay the night with him. He never let's me have it, so I went hunting online to find one of my own. His is just a cool pillow case that eventually does get warm, but this Chillow thing is way freezing all the time! So, naturally, I just want to lay in bed with my head on it. Best 20 bucks Mom didn't know she spent on Amazon. I'll just chalk it up to an early birthday present to myself.

Well, it is Valentine's Day. It is finally here. Last night I was feeling pretty crappy about myself. I know I say I doesn't bother me that I don't have a specific Valentine, but my inner Cupid started to feel bad for itself. Now, I am not gonna go cry and whine about it on Facebook like several other girls from my hometown. Really girls? Pull yourselves together! Quit moping around and go buy your own box of candy. Pretend it was from someone else if you must! My problem is, I get really excited about making stuff for someone else. I love to bake and dip everything that will sit still enough in chocolate, so the thought of not having someone to do that for this year is kind of saddening. I've decided I will take my emotions out on my roommates and bake for them.

So last night I had this genius idea. I love my best friend right? Well of course I do. I decided to take Cassie and myself out on a best friend date. We went to Longhorns because my inner carnivore was being an insatiable bitch. Okay, it may have had a tiny bit to do with the fact that Momma also got me a giftcard to there. She knows me so well. We went to Longhorns and scored big time with their Valentine's Day 2 for 25 deal, winning! After we were seriously stuffed from our sirloins and had gossiped about everything we could think of, we went over to the movies to see something I have been dying to see since I read the book, Beautiful Creatures. Ah, it was amazing! They totally switched some stuff around, but after thinking about it, I liked what they did with it. Let's just say I will forever more be team Ethan Wate. The boy they used for this movie was so perfect. He isn't your everyday Edward or Jacob, he brought something new to the table, I thought. I think I need someone like that, country accent, smart, wants something more for himself, and the kind of handsome that doesn't scream jerk. It is a classic tale of love and the inner battle we all have with good and evil. I highly recommend it to all who are even slightly interested in seeing it. Cassie didn't want to see it and ended up really liking it which speaks mounds!

After the movie, I came home and cleaned my room until 6 in the morning. I have a problem. My room still isn't finished. When I clean my room, I can't stay focused on one thing long enough to get it done, so I move around from various projects. I could be folding a huge basket of clothes and suddenly go clean the sink. ADHD much? Also, if I find something halfway interesting, I sit down and look through it. Naturally, this leads to an even bigger mess than what I started out with.

While cleaning, I came across a decorative box mom bought me for my room when I moved in here. I vaguely remembered it was what I was using to store all my birthday cards and tokens of affection. I opened the box and oh my goodness at the cards. There were so many! I started to read them one by one. Mom had written most of them. She likes to send me cards randomly, even though I only live two hours away. She likes for me to know I am loved, I guess. It could be Boxing Day (not an American Holiday) and she would send me a card. I love it though, and wouldn't have my Mom be any other way. Each one she sent me spoke of how much she loved me. Suddenly, I didn't feel so sad anymore.

I also found a few from my Daddy. These were the ones that really got to me. Mom is a total sap so it is expected of her to get mushy, but when Dad does it, it totally blows my mind. It was a card with a hand written note on two pages of yellow pad paper stuck inside of it. After reading a few lines, I realized it dated back to my high school graduation. Amongst the "DO NOT GO TO FRAT PARTIES" warning and the "DO NOT DO DRUGS OR WANDER OFF ALONE" threats, he told me how proud of me he was and is. He gushed about how I had exceeded his expectations as a daughter. The sweet words of his love for me in his untidy scrawl on this yellow piece of paper were so touching that I cried.

As I read through these love letters, I realized that Valentine's Day is not about receiving flowers and candy from a secret lover, or the infatuation between a girl and a guy who have only been dating two weeks but feel obligated to celebrate. It is not about going on an extravagant date and spending a bunch of money. It is so much more than that. It is about the love that only a mother can have for her child, a father who watches with pride as his daughter grows and succeeds everyday, a best friend who has been by your side even when you are wrong for over 9 years, and if you are lucky enough to have that special someone in your life, it is about them, too. Cherish these people, for tomorrow is not a promise etched in stone. These loves between family and friends are normally the ones that are taken for granted and are often forgotten when we celebrate Valentine's Day. Forget for a second about all the fluffy stuff Valentine's Day has been turned into by our society and remember what it is really about: true love. Take a minute and think about all the people in life that love you, you won't feel the need to put up pity party Facebook statuses or sit around and mope anymore.

Mother of a Monday

Hello all from my living room,

I am surprised to be in a normal mental state after the day I had yesterday. Normally, I don't complain about Mondays like everyone else. Especially this semester because I don't have classes on Mondays leaving me with no responsibilities. I view Mondays as a new beginning, a way to start over fresh if the week before was a bust. It is sort of a do over day. It's Tuesdays that get me. Tuesday is useless as hell and in general is a lack luster day compared to all the others. You have Monday as the beginning of the week, Wednesday as hump day, Thursday and you have almost made to the weekend, and Friday is the start of the weekend. I think God threw Tuesday in there for good measure.

Have you ever just had a day where after the first fifteen minutes you just wanted to crawl back in bed and try again tomorrow? This was me yesterday.
This Monday has left a bad taste in my mouth for this particular day of the week. I woke up in the Loft feeling rather ill. After about two seconds on my feet, I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. No folks, I am not pregnant. You have to have sex to get that way and my life is in a lack there of, so put that out of your mind. Mcdonald's chicken nuggets do not taste the same coming back up. I guess my body revolting against me is a sign that I should leave the greasy little beasts alone. My metabolism was screaming, "Don't eat that stupid, you will never look skinny in skinny jeans if you do." Needless to say, I won't be eating those for a looong time. If that is what really made me sick, I have no idea, but my brain tends to associate the puking with whatever I ate last.

So after waking up to a spewing alarm clock, I packed my things to head back to Tally. I went to pick up Cassie so we could leave. She was not awake because Momma Ruby forgot to wake her up. Shame, shame Momma Ruby. Unfortunately, this put us behind schedule. I was driving, trying not to throw up in my lap (which I did again when I got to Cassie's house). I put 2000s Hip Hop on my Pandora Radio and let Gold Digger and Candy Shop subdue my churning insides while Cassie chatted with Matty.

We were just getting into Tallahassee, only three exits away from my apartment when I saw the light. Not like a shining light of a coming to Jesus moment or an idea suddenly striking you. These lights were blue... and red. Mother trucking cop was hidden real deep in a ditch, and I was speeding. Not like a five miles over the speed limit speeding either. I knew it as soon as I passed him that he was going to come after me. I kept praying maybe he would take the red truck in front of me, that bastard was speeding too! But sure enough, the trooper pulled up behind ole Mildred and I had to pull over. Cassie went to roll down the window and for some reason, the window would not roll down. Perfect. I was too embarrassed when she had to open the door so I could speak to him. He was relatively young and pretty decently good looking. Too bad I looked like the back side of Fido's ass and had no make up on. Oh yeah, I didn't have a bra on either. Actually, that bit may have worked out in my favor had I had my hair fixed and didn't have mascara smudges on my cheeks left over from the day before.

He proceeded to ask if I had any idea how fast I was going. No shit Sherlock, of course I knew. That's why my face was contorted into that ugly guilty look I make when I know I have done something wrong and gotten caught. You certainly didn't pull me over for my dashing good looks. I said yes and that I was really sorry and that it wasn't something I normally did. I normally set my cruise control around 73 mph when driving back and forth between home and Tally because the troopers hide in the trees like extreme ticket issuing ninjas just waiting on some poor slightly speeding sucker to come along. Also, I don't have anyone in Tally to fix my tickets, so I avoid getting them. He asked why I was flying and Cassie and I both frantically screeched that we were trying to get her to school on time to take her quiz so she didn't fail it due to not showing up. He said he would make this as quick as possible. He returned in about 4 minutes flat. Now we know, when they take longer than ten (which they typically do) they are just being jerks. Unfortunately, he came back carrying a little white paper saying I would owe the city of Tallahassee 281 dollars. But being the chivalrous gent he was, he lowered my ticket amount to 131. Whatever dude if you wanted to be nice you would have just let me go. He was in school once, doesn't he know what it is like to be running late for an exam???!!!

Surprisingly, we made it home without any further criminal offenses. After I dropped Cassie off at school, I decided I wanted some food since I had none in my belly. I needed something simple that wouldn't tear my insides to shreds if I had some sort of bug. Panera soup is always my go to sick meal. I went to Panera and ordered some Chicken Sonoma Stew to go. It is basically like chicken pot pie without the crust. God's gift to the world of liquid meals. I made it back to the apartment without anything catastrophic happening, but I should have known it wouldn't be long before I had a meltdown. I sat on my bed with my lovely white down comforter beneath me. Something was bound to go wrong, and it did. I spilled my steaming bowl of deliciousness in my lap not once, but twice. Great, I had soup crotch. I just sat there for a moment, attempting not to freak the heck out, but it didn't last long. I got up, screamed something profane, dipped my last piece of french baguette into the mess on my bed, and snatched my now ruined duvet off my mattress. Somehow, I managed to put my new sheets on my bed and crawl into it without breaking a bone or setting anything on fire, and I drifted off into a sleep, fighting back tears of anger. For some reason, I get teary when I get mad or nervous or happy or any other feeling. I think I have an issue

I woke up feeling loads better. Later on I went to the gas station and turned in my lottery tickets my mom got me for my birthday. I had won 20 bucks and thought I needed to redeem. I bought two more and won 22 dollars on them, baller status right here folks. If that isn't "winning" I don't know what is. My luck was starting to turn around. After that I went to the gym and took out the remainder of my frustration on my abdominal area and butt. Nothing like a little sweat to take over the tears. My bed welcomed me with open arms and I fell asleep hoping to forget about this monster of a Monday.

When I woke up, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I could turn this week around this useless Tuesday, until I looked at the clock, that is. The digital numbers on my phone read 9:28. This is a problem because I had a test in Family Public Policy at 9:30. 2 minutes and 3 miles of traffic to campus was an impossible race against time. Ugh, not again! There is no way I could have two bad days in a row! I rushed to class as fast as I could without speeding because with my luck, I'd get pulled over again. I lied to the sweet man at the Wellness Center parking lot telling him I had an appointment there so I could park right outside my classroom. Sorry mister sir! I will try not to do it again for a while.

I took my exam and went back out to my car. One of the reasons I fell in love with FSU is because of all the big beautiful oak trees on campus. I love looking at their ancient gnarled branches and the moss swaying in the breeze when I am walking to class. There is one right outside the WC. It was drizzling outside to match my mood. This tree turned into a Whomping Willow and threw a branch down where I had been standing only a second before. Clearly someone doesn't want me here anymore (both Harry Potter references). It wasn't a huge branch but it was big enough to have inflicted certain pain and a headache. After having a minor heart attack, I decided I wanted to try this soup thing one more time. When I got to Panera, I was delighted to hear I had a free pastry on my card. I gladly accepted it, but I have refrained from eating it. My day was doing a magical 180.

After lunch I headed to Target to look around for stuff I don't need. Target is perfect for that. I was passing by the Starbucks when this stranger girl asked me if I wanted a free coffee. I was puzzled because nobody just gave away free Starbucks. She must have seen it all over my face and explained that she had some coupon thing that entitled her to a free beverage and that she had nobody to share it with. I know how you feel sister. The brewista made me a vanilla latte after the kind girl left. She was bored and I had nowhere to go so we started to chat. She insisted that I try the samples of chocolate coffee cake (I was good, I only ate one bite sized piece) and she made a coworker and I a hot chocolate shot. I told this was making my past two days a lot better. She asked how bad it was and I told her it started with me throwing up at 7:45 in the morning. Of course, she asked if I was pregnant and I said heck to the no! I told her I had recently broken up with my boyfriend, meaning there was none of that going on, which led to her talking about her ex. It was a nice little conversation that went from boys to work to my upcoming 21st birthday. I love chatting it up with strangers. They typically have good stories to tell. So thank you Teirney (I think that is how you spell it, sorry if I messed up). You want a perfectly mixed coffee or hot chocolate, go see her at the Target on Appalachee Parkway. Hmm, that useless Tuesday must be the new Friday.

The point of all this is to say that bad days suck, but there is nothing you can do about them. They come in swings like colds and flus. It's never one thing either, it is going to be several awful things happening at once. So whine and moan about how bad they suck, take a nap, then move on. There's a song about this. Just know, "the night is darkest before the dawn." Meaning, though things may seem horrible now, a brighter and better day is around the corner with nice strangers and free coffee.

Friends in Low Places

Hello all from the Loft,

My weekend at home has been splendid. When I leave Tallahassee to come home to Glen for the weekends, it only takes about five minutes of being here before I think okay, it is time to head back to the city. There really isn't anything to do out here except for relax, and it can get boring real quick. However, that is exactly what I needed this weekend. Not that I live a particularly stressful life or anything, I just wanted to be lazy and be by myself. Which I did, very successfully.

Can I talk about something that gets on my last nerve? Of course I can, this is my blog. A lot of people complain about being by their selves on the weekend or really just in general. I hate seeing people post their phone numbers on social networking sites like Facebook, and the status that goes along with it is often something like a newspaper ad for friends. Get your ass off the couch and go make some friends old school style before some crazy stalker gets your number, finds your house, sneaks into your window at night, slits your throat, and takes some of your hair for a shrine. Yes, I watch far too many episodes of Criminal Minds. Or just appreciate the time you have with the friends you already have. Speaking of friends you already have, it might be wise to revisit some from the past.

In the midst of sleeping for unreasonable hours and spending quality time with my shadow, I got together with some old friends. I love seeing friends from a past life. They always have the best, and sometimes most shameful stories that they remember about you. And they don't spare a detail just because you are sitting in a room full of other people, no matter how embarrassing that detail may be. Nothing like reminiscing about how someone's mom called you a whore for sitting on their lap on a chair on the front porch literally doing nothing. That was back when I was sweet and innocent. Whatever would she think of me now? Actually, he reminded me that I started talking to him after kissing him at a party my boyfriend at the time took me to. The boyfriend and I had only been together for a few days... Maybe I did have slutish tendencies?

Most of the people I spent time with this weekend were boys. Boys are the best to hang out with, they make everything fun and carefree. Trek was one of them. Ole Trek decided to tell me about something that I hadn't known about. For some unknown reason, this fine specimen of a man (now and then (it's okay for me to say this because the boys wanted to know which of them looked better. The girls decided they were all lady killers)) liked me when he was in the 8th grade and I was in the 7th. I say some unknown reason because I do not think I was cute at all. I had these ugly streaky blonde highlights in my hair. I seriously can't understand why my daddy agreed to let me get them. I guess he was just giving me what I wanted. Everyone had them so maybe it wasn't too bad in a crowd of people.

We can't remember if I was actually dating a boy named Chad or if it was before we dated for like two weeks and he just liked me. It was Valentine's Day. Anyone else remember those cheesy little Valentine grams? They were cheap carnation flowers with a card that you could write a cutesy little note in. Apparently, Trek received one of these tokens of affection, and teased Chad that it was from me. It wasn't from me, but he just said it was to make Chad angry. They almost got into a fight because of this. Poor Chad was not very big at all and Trek was outrageously tall for an 8th grader. It wouldn't have been much of a fight I am afraid.

These stories had us rolling with laughter. I laughed until I cried for some of them. I had forgotten some of these crazy tales and I love to hear that someone else remembers them for me. It was the best weekend I have had in a while. I guess that man in Ronnie's who "senses things about people" was right. I had an incredible time.

In the past month, I have gotten a few confessions of middle school crushes. What the heck? Why couldn't someone have told me this back then? If I had half the prospects that I apparently had back then but didn't know about until now, now, I would be in serious business. I miss middle school sometimes. It was so uncomplicated. If you broke up with someone and two days later someone else was with him, that was okay. If you made an F on a test it wasn't potentially ruining your future. The worst thing that happened was your dad took your phone away or you couldn't go to a friends house after school as punishment for something.

High school is a totally different story. On one hand, people are hateful in high school. You gain friends and lose even more. You get your heart broken, a lot, and in turn break a few yourself. You become a bitch, a whore, a loser, or whatever all because someone heard you did something that may or may not be true. Apparently, I lost my virginity on a weight bench in the weight room. Nothing about that story is true. Not the bench, not the guy, not the year, nothing. I could blog about that story, it is quite a tale, but I don't think I will. On the other side, you make the best memories you will ever have. You will meet people who will give you stories to tell for years and years to come. You will have nights you can't believe you made it out unscathed and laugh about them secretly with the people who were there with you. I like to think about it, but I don't think I would ever do some of it again. I wouldn't change a whole lot if I had to relive it. Some stuff maybe.

Overall though, I think each experience has been a life lesson that has made me who I am today. I look at it like this, I have a story to tell now. Everything that happened in the past is something I can look to for guidance now. The stories we all told this weekend had us rolling with laughter. I laughed until I cried for some of them. I had forgotten some of these crazy tales and I love to hear that someone else remembers them. It was the best weekend I have had in a while. I guess that man in Ronnie's who "senses things about people" was right. I had an incredible time. It's like that movie Perks of Being a Wallflower, "One day these things will all be stories, and our pictures will all become old photographs." We will grow older, but our stories will remain forever. Through them, we can be infinite.

Healing Power of the Rain

Hello all from my bedroom,

The rain is taunting me so sweetly with its soft lullaby. It normally does one of two things to me; it either makes me sleepy, or for some unknown reason, turns me on. Today, it is sleep. This may be because I only got one hour of sleep last night. My circadian rhythms hate me right now.

Have you ever tried to kiss in the rain? It is not how it is made out to be in the movies or books. They make it look all steamy and passionate. I mean, just look what it did for Allie and Noah in the Notebook, it brought their whole relationship back to life. This is false. I tried it once in high school after a baseball game. A torrential downpour hit as I walked with a boy to his truck. We did it, just to see what it was like. After water running into our mouths and practically drowning from not being able to breathe, we both pulled back, shook our heads deciding it wasn't as cool as we had thought, and laughed. Try it if you must, just to mark it off your bucket list, but I don't think it is all that fabulous. I tried to kiss someone while submerged in my pool, that didn't work out too well either.

I love the rain though. To me, it is a metaphor for a new beginning. Think about it. Ever notice how good you feel after falling asleep to the rain? Or how good everything smells? Except for asphalt, that is some stank stuff when it is wet. I imagine the rain washing over me and taking all the bad things with it; a bad mood, a nightmare, a failed chemistry exam, a crappy day, etc. There is nothing more healing to me than the sound of rain on a tin roof. Maybe it will rain when I am up in the Loft this weekend, it has a tin roof. A girl can only hope.

People equate bad things with rain. It is gloomy and dark, so it is understandable why. Storms destroy beautiful things. I think though, it the end result that outweighs all the bad. After the floors of Heaven open up, the world glistens. Everything is shiny and bright. The leaves look like emeralds on trees, the roads look like long lazy black rivers, and the sun seems to beam even more intensely than before.

The world is all what you make of it. Do you look at it and see all the bad, horrible things? Or do you blink, take a second glance, and find beauty through the darkness of it all? How the world is today, it is hard to ignore the bad. But, somehow, after a "storm," a rainbow appears. There are things going on in the world, in my life, in my friends' lives, that I have to believe something good is going to come out of it all. If I didn't, if I couldn't believe that, I would go insane. The rainbows are coming, we just have to wait and believe through it all to be able to see it.

Poahl Dahl (whoever he/she is) said, "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

I found this on the internet one day, and it stuck with me so much I put it in my phone. I find if anyone ever wanted to know who I truly am, all they'd have to do is look into my note folder, my Ipod, and my Pandora radio station list. Looking at someone's music is a direct window to their thoughts, desires, and heart. I put things that are important to me in my note folder. I fear if I ever lost this phone, the person who found it would think I was crazy. Perhaps I am.

Whatever storm you are riding out right now, know that there is something beautiful coming at the end. It may take a while, you may feel like you are waiting forever, but don't give up hope of seeing it. It will be in the most unlikely of places.

Don't view the rain as a mood buster, find a good book or someone you find sexy, snuggle up to them, and ride it out.

Perfectly Imperfect

Hello all from my living room,

I am watching the Bachelor, which I totally swore off watching because it is so stupid sometimes. I hate how they never really end up together and how two weeks after the finale there are rumors of their infidelity plastered on every magazine cover. Come on guys, get a grip. I'd really like to slap this guy, too. Every time someone throws him a sob story, he takes the hook like a fish after bait.

For some reason, this prompted me to look back over all the posts I have written so far. Although I like and believe in what I have written, I feel as though I may be giving everyone the notion that your girlfriend or boyfriend should be perfect. This is wrong, and I apologize for giving this vibe that the people we fall in love with have to be perfect. If you are looking for someone who is perfect, you will be like all those Spaniards looking for the Fountain of Youth in Florida, you won't find it.

My friend Kim sent me a quote last night that really pulled at my heartstrings and settled in my mind as well. It says what I would like to say, what I would like to try to convey to all of you, and honestly, to myself. I am really good at giving advice, not so much as taking my own. I know, it's a problem, I am working on it.

"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always on guy that is perfect for you." -Bob Marley

I genuinely love this quote. I feel like this is the least cheesy, most honest thing I have ever read about "love." If you haven't figured it out yet, I am an extremely cheesy person, and I fall for and oogle over all things mushy. This is something completely different though. It is spot on and honest. Bob Marley must have been smoking the really expensive, clean stuff that night.

The fact is, people are not perfect. Therefore, your relationship with someone is not going to be perfect either. It is not going to be like a Disney movie where a prince rides in on his white stallion and saves you from eternal sleep or wicked stepmothers. It isn't going to be like a Nicholas Sparks novel.

You are going to fight with your significant other, and it is going to get nasty at times. He is going to forget something that is important to you, like a date every once in a while, and you are going to get really angry. You are going to get on his nerves, and he is bound to let you know when that happens. He is not going to like everything you like, so don't go all fifty shades of cray when he doesn't want to go see Fifty Shades of Grey. He is going to play video games Friday night, Saturday night, and then not understand why you are pouting when he turns on a Sunday football marathon. He is going to be vague about the "future" and it is going to drive you crazy. He is not going to listen to those not so subtle hints about what you want for your birthday and buy you something totally wrong. He is not always going to send flowers and chocolates, if ever. You are going to buy him clothes for Christmas when he really wanted the new Call of Halo Modern Madden Warfare 2020, and he is going to be really bad at hiding his disappointment. You are going to try to get him to act one way and he is not going to budge. He is going to attempt to get you to chill out and not be so uptight, and you are going remain as tight as a pair of skinny jeans on an elephant.

If he whines about going to see a girly movie but still goes, kisses you during the commercials of a football game, and can say he is sorry when he has gone so far wrong he is in Australia, he is doing the best he can. If she pouts while you are watching football but makes you some popcorn and brings you a beer, slips the new Call of Duty in between the two sweaters she bought you for Christmas, and agrees to go see the latest Fast and the Furious even though Beautiful Creatures came out the same night, she is doing all that she can.

Do yourself a favor, quit comparing your relationship to everyone else. You are just going to make yourself miserable. They are going to be standing over there all cute with their matching shirts and she is going to be carrying a beautiful bouquet of roses he just surprised her with, while you over there pulling teeth to get your man to hold your hand in public.

Find someone who works with you, who makes you giggle like a small child who has done something naughty, and makes you feel, well, perfect, and you will have found someone who is perfect for you. It may not be sunshine and daisies all the time. What really matters is if you can still snuggle up on those stormy nights and walk together hand in hand through a field when the flowers have all died.

The funny thing is, when you find someone who is imperfectly perfect for you, nobody else will matter. You won't be looking at other people's relationships because you will have your very own version of a Nicholas Sparks novel going on right in front of you. To you, he will be perfect and you will be the apple of his eye. Together you will complete each others' weird, distorted, imperfect puzzle perfectly.

Cart Calamity

Hello all from my Teen Mom Monday night ritual,

I am currently dying from laughter as I notice things like the sign in the DNA testing center window that says, "Trust, but Verify." Classic. Congratulations Chelsea on finally passing your GED exam after two seasons. You go girl.

My other Monday tradition is going to the grocery store to purchase food for the week. Mondays are by far the worst day to attempt to go shopping. All the starving college kids are scouring the aisles for the BOGO deals and all the adults are there picking up their medications, making the pharmacy line ridiculous.

Last Monday, I decided to buy a starfruit to try it. There were some guys standing around debating about getting one. They sounded like they knew what they were talking about so I decided to ask them how to eat it. I have never had a starfruit before so I didn't know if you ate it as is or if there is a special way to prepare it. While deep in conversation, this busty African- American woman came barreling through the small walkway where we were, boobs about to pop out of her sundress. Instead of veering mere inches around us, she demanded very loudly that we do the "'cuse me dance," and then proceeded to push her cart right through the middle of us. I am amazed at how rude people are. The boy and I just stared at each other, stunned.

Tonight was just like any other Monday shopping run, crazy as hell. I was only picking up a few things, which is what I always say. I get in there with a thirty dollar list that somehow grows to a whopping eighty dollar bank breaker. It's like the glowing green Publix sign puts you in a trance that makes you buy stuff that you do not need. Like seriously, who needs three different kinds of goat cheese? Apparently I did.

Since I was only there for more cauliflower and jell-o, I picked up a small basket instead of grabbing a cart. Well, a gallon of milk and a small case of Virgil's cream soda later, my arms felt like they were going to fall off. My basket was now overflowing with things I hadn't intended to buy. I could not help getting the original Ritz Crackers since they were buy one, get one free. Those BOGOs really are a goldmine. They could have baby formula on sale buy one get one and I would probably buy it. Do I need it, no. Is it cool just because its free, yes!

The lactic acid was building in my shoulders from carrying everything and I was about to have to set everything down, when I saw it. Sitting in the middle of the walkway between the pharmacy and beauty products was a deserted cart. There were only two toothbrushes in it and nobody was standing around it. I decided I had better not mess with it because as soon as I put my stuff in, someone was bound to walk up to claim their territory. I made my way around and grabbed the Ritz crackers. When I was on my way back to the walkway, the box was slipping out of my hands. The cart was still there, untouched. It was clearly a sign that it was meant for me.

I walked over and loaded my stuff into it quickly before someone saw me doing it. I had just slipped my basket off of my arm when I heard a deep manly voice.

"Hey man, did you see what I did with my cart?"

Oh, no! My heart sank to my butt. I looked up to see a boy in a tank top asking his friend and looking around bewildered that his cart had suddenly vanished. My instincts were screaming at me to keep walking, just keep your head down and go! GO DUMMY GO! But of course, I did exactly what I should not have done.

"Did your cart happen to have two toothbrushes in it," I said very quietly. I saw his face twist into something unreadable. It was either amazement or he was pissed off.

"Yeah, it did! Did you see it?" the boy asked.

"Well, this is it..." I said looking at anything but his face. I waited. He had that Jersey Shore guietto type look, like he could possibly be on steroids. Like he could snap me over something really stupid, like accidentally on purpose stealing his shopping cart.

Instead of freaking out on me, he laughed and told me I could keep it. When I asked if he was sure he got really close to my face and made an ugly look and said, "What the F?!" I must have looked scared because he laughed, patted me on the back, and said, "Nah girl I am just kidding, you can take it. Have a good night"

I guess the cardinal rule to grocery shopping is this: never never ever take a cart other than from the front of the store. As innocent as it looks, you are being deceived. There is someone using it. You are committing a shopping felony. Do not take the cart!

The Magic

Hello all from my bedroom where I am reverting back to my childhood days,

Yes, I am admittedly watching The Fairly Odd Parents. I used to watch this and Avatar religiously. Recently, I have done an Avatar marathon and watched the whole series. NERD ALERT!!!!!!

I have a friend who is going through some relationship issues. She feels as though the magic is all gone. This one is for the gentlemen today, I encourage all of you to read it diligently and handle this delicate information with care. It could save your relationship with a great girl.

First, women really like attention. We are magnets for it. If you aren't giving her attention, she is going to lose interest or will come to think that there is a problem that may or may not exist. Our minds work like this: if you aren't paying attention to me, you must be paying the toll elsewhere. Meaning, you must be showering some other girl with attention instead of me. There is nothing more annoying than an attention deprived girl, so you shouldn't withhold it from us. If you would rather pull your own teeth out with a rusty pair of pliers rather than be around us, talk to us, or any other means of giving attention to us, it is time to reevaluate the relationship.

Also, women like to be touched. This could range from a sweet kiss on the forehead to a playful swat on the behind. We eat that shiz up like chocolate on Valentine's day. Or any day really, let's be serious. Okay men, here is a subtle reminder, Valentine's day is in 10 mere days. It is rapidly approaching, so get to the store and buy those teddy bears or put the final touches on those homemade cards. Back to the touching, we like it, a lot. It doesn't matter where your hands are as long as they are on some part of our body. We know you men are a bunch of little horn dogs so, again, it works like this: if you aren't touching me, you must be out there getting feely with someone else.

We like surprises, too. Us screaming and begging for you not to surprise us really translates into, "I really want you to send me random things to my workplace or school because I am dying to see a physical sign of your affection. If you don't, you must not care." We really enjoy spontaneity. Even though you think random flowers or a surprise date may seem a little fruity to you, do it anyways! We love that mushy stuff! It doesn't have to be anything crazy, just having our favorite movie set up with a bowl of popcorn ready for us when we come home from a long hard day of being a girl is good enough. Nine times out of ten you will get something in return. These little surprises are like one way tickets to whatever fantasy you have been dreaming about lately. To reiterate this crucial point, surprise us. Keep it interesting.

Take us around your friends. This is extremely important fellas. If we sense that you are keeping us from your friends, we start to think bad thoughts like, "Hmm, what is wrong with me? Do I smell bad?" This leads to us becoming insecure. Let me make this very clear, there is nothing more annoying than an insecure woman. Women are social creatures and need a vast pool of people to talk to and be around. We like to be included in the group of people you obviously love and care about. Also, this is a good chance for you to observe how your friends take your gf. If they don't like her, odds are she is no good for you. You need to put your Nikes on and run in the most opposite direction if they can't stand to be around her for more than an hour at a time.

So, do it for selfish reasons or do it because you really love her. Once that magic is gone, it is hard to get it back. It is a slippery downward slope from a top a very steep hill once a girl begins to feel insecure around you. She will start to see problems with herself and with you that aren't really there, and then before you know it, you are ending something that could be great all because the effort was not put in. Whatever you put in, we are likely to give three times back. It kind of goes along with the saying, give us an inch and we will take it a yard. But in this scenario it is more like, give us a little attention and we will pamper and cater to you like you are a king of the world.

Autocorrect Fail

Hello all from the same position I have not moved from in like two hours,

My friend Sarah and I were having an in depth conversation via text message earlier. I say in depth because it was literally more lengthy than usual because of the autocorrect feature on our phones. I feel like the super geniuses at Apple hit a goldmine when they came up with autocorrect. Then I think about how I hate when autocorrect changes my s word to shot. You dumb shot you!

As a matter of fact, Sarah just tweeted something that was supposed to say psycho but autocorrect saw fit to change it to psychology. No insult can bring you to your knees faster than being called a psychology.

I have a very short story that I would like to tell tonight. It is the worst, yet most hilarious, autocorrect that has ever happened to me.

It was late at night and I had to get up to work the next morning. I was scheduled to be there at seven. If you know me, you know my mornings start around noon every day so I was conflicted. I knew I would make good money because I would be the only waitress on the floor, but I was really not looking forward to carrying heavy trays of pancakes and bacon that early. So, I did what I do about everything. I posted a Facebook status about my inner conflict. It read, "Going to bed early for work. Morning shifts are a love hate." Or so I thought.

When I woke up the next morning, I went through my normal motions. I laid in bed for "just five more minutes," brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back into my trademark curly ponytail, and put some mascara and lipstick on so I didn't frighten the customers away. And of course, I checked my phone. I had like fifteen FB notifications. I was feeling pretty popular until I saw what it was for. Everyone had liked and commented on my status I posted the previous evening. Except, the status did not say what I had meant to say. It read, "Going to bed early for work. Morning SHITS are a love hate." Oh. My. God. I have never laughed so hard in my life. My sides were hurting and I had tears rolling down my chin! It was seven in the morning, my body was totally not prepared for that kind of excitement. Cameron Kirkland had commented on it and Destiny told me later that he laughed all day at work about it. Oh, I am so glad other people got a kick out of my mistake.

Thank you autocorrect, you mother ducker!

The Break Up

Hello all from my living room,

I have switched pace from Super Bowl Sunday to movie night. TV networks play the best movies on the weekend so I normally hunker down with a bowl of cereal and watch at least one or two. Earlier I watched Uptown Girls. This is in my top ten favorite movies of all time. I hate that Brittany Murphy died, it makes me really sad that she can't make anymore movies like this. Also, it weirds me the heck out when I see Dakota Fanning as young as she was in that movie and then I think about her as Jane in Twilight. It makes me feel so freaking old!!!

Now, I am watching The Break Up. I must say, I love Vince Vaughn. If he was into younger women and realized my existence, I would marry him in a heartbeat. This movie got me thinking about, well, break ups. When should you break up with someone? When is it time to pack up your pride and dignity and leave before it gets trampled on by someone who is undeserving of your attention? I've been through enough to notice a few signs that stick out to me.

1) It is time to break up if video games are more important than spending time with you. Video games are fine. If he wants to play for a few hours every day or set up a night to play with his friends every once in a while, okay fine. Boys like video games, they can't help it. However, if he blows you off saying he has to clean his house and you stop by to help and he is playing video games, run to the hills screaming girl. Get out now! Fellas, these games really aren't all there is to life. All I am saying is the assassins on COD are not going to scratch your back late at night, nibble your ear and whisper naughty things to you, or make you breakfast in the morning. And Mario damn sure isn't going to wash your underwear and nasty gym shorts.

2) If a password has been set his cell phone, it's time to break up. Especially, if the password is suddenly set up. It is fine if the password was there all along and at some point the password is revealed to you. However, if you go to turn on Pandora radio on and you notice you now have to unlock the phone, you can guarantee there is an Ashley, Jessica, Taylor, or Brittney that they are trying to hide from you. Creating a password is the doorway to cheating. Cut the wire before it electrocutes you.

3) If he is refusing to hang out with your friends, it is time to break up. I mean, you chose these friends because you think they are pretty cool. If he doesn't want to meet your friends or keeps you from spending time with them, it's time. There are a million boys to choose from, but only a few friends who will bail you out of jail at 2 in the morning. Choose wisely.

4) If the contact has diminished, it is time to break up. I don't mean he started calling/texting every other hour instead of every hour. Chill out girl, he's gotta eat and sleep at some point! I mean if he goes all day or multiple days with calling or texting, or if you have to initiate the conversation all the time, it is probably time to break up. You aren't in a relationship with yourself, there is no reason you should be doing all the work.

5) This one is for the older gals, if he isn't using the words us in future tense, it is time to break up. We aren't in high school anymore, this isn't about playing a game. I'm not saying he needs to be asking for your ring finger size within the first several months of dating. What I mean is, if he can't plan things like vacations or dinners with his parents or even the next movie date, it's time to get out. This means he doesn't see you in his distant future or maybe even his immediate future. If he doesn't, then neither should you.

6) If he isn't kissing or touching you anymore, it is time to break up. Trust me, there is someone else out there who is dying to do more than that to you. So, if he isn't making an effort to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you or have some part of his body on yours, it is time. If the intimacy has left the building, you should too, as if that building is on fire.

7) If he has cheated on you, leave. There is no explanation for this one. Just leave.

8) If you find yourself thinking about other guys, it is time to break up. I don't mean the occasional, "I wonder what he is up to?" because someone you know is talking about him. I mean if you find yourself daydreaming about his eyes, what he is doing, his butt, who he's talking to... it is time to get out. You're not being fair to the guy you are with. Save him some heartache if he deserves to be saved.

9) If you are cheating/ want to cheat on your boyfriend, go ahead and break it off. There is no reason to deal with all that drama if you really do not want to be with him. Whether he deserves to be cheated on or not, cheating means you would rather be with someone else, anyone else but the guy you are currently with. It's time to break up.

10) If you feel like shit all the time when you are around him, it is time to break up. Your significant other is supposed to lift you up and make you feel good. They are supposed to make you happy and keep a goofy smile on your face. If you are feeling like you'd rather run through a field of lego pieces shoeless in the dark than be around your boyfriend, it is time to let him go.

Now look, I am no love guru. I have no degree validating any of this, although I will in about six months. These are just things that I have experienced personally that I know to look for now. Try to make it work if you feel like it can be worked out. I don't believe in giving up on someone for stupid reasons. However, relationships are not supposed to be forced. They should just happen and go with the flow.

Gents, once again, please replace girl with boy where appropriate to make this something for you. However, if you ever find a girl who can beat you by a lap in Mario Karts or can kill you in a Guitar Hero battle, you should probably keep her around.

Grandpa Dave

Hello all from in front of my television,

I just witnessed something that will probably go down in football history, a black out during the Super Bowl. I am saying it is an Illuminati takeover, Voldemort is about to finally reveal himself to the muggles, or Bane is about to blow the field up. At least I was, until the lights just came back on in the past two minutes. My imagination was running wild. Honestly, I was scared it was going to be some sort of terrorist attack and I was praying that there was a delay on the television so we could avoid seeing it. But it looks like all horrific could be's have be been snuffed out and the game is back on.

I have zero loyalty to any professional football team. I was saying I was going for the Ravens because they were named after Edgar Allen Poe's poem The Raven. Just a little fun fact from my huge base of useless knowledge.

This weekend I spent a lot of time alone. Cassie left to go home and Chelsey had a lot of cheerleading engagements to attend to so I had a lot of free time. I decided I would take myself out on a date after I had worked very very hard to earn an A on my parenting exam. Actually, I only read about half of what I was supposed to read and said a prayer that it would be on a lot of the information that I had already learned in my other classes. Lucky for me, I was right. I wanted to kiss the girl who was working the desk on the way out of the testing center because I was so happy. I contained myself though, because I don't kiss girls and I also don't think she would have appreciated it. Even though I think my kissing skills are excellent, I am sure she was happy I kept my red lipstick on my own lips.

After I left the testing center and skipped back to my car, I looked up movie times for Warm Bodies. I had an hour and a half and decided my inner carnivore would really appreciate a steak. So, I headed off to Longhorns to spend the giftcard my momma put in my stocking for Christmas. My waiter was so cute. He was tall with dark hair. I do not think it would have been quite as cute had he not had the little speech impediment that he had. He kind of sounded like he had a Brooklyn accent but I knew otherwise when he said any word that had an r in it. I think it is the little imperfections that really attract me to someone. Imperfections are perfectly sexy. Well, most of them anyways. He was tipped very well that day. Not for his cuteness, but for his impeccable service. Okay, maybe his sultry smile and pearly whites had a little something to do with it.

I was off to see Warm Bodies. The plot is basically this: A zombie boy falls in love with a normal girl and he starts to become alive by being around her. I thought the movie would be kind of cheesy, but to my pleasant surprise, it was hilarious and really good. It had some of the best one liners I have ever heard. The boy who played R should win some sort of award for his role. He literally took my heart away with his limpy zombie walk. I strongly recommend this movie to anyone who is on the fence about seeing it, or really just everyone in general.

This movie gave me an idea. Maybe we are all dead, just walking around in a zombie like stupor until we meet someone who makes our hearts start beating again. Metaphorically speaking of course. You very well can't walk around without having a pulse. As my friend Ben would say, that's deep stuff. Message to take away from this, if the person you are dating/interested in makes you feel more zombie than alive, get out as quickly as possible before your gait becomes a hunched over limp and your conversation becomes a series of grunts and groans. Run screaming in the opposite direction as fast as your little legs can carry you.

I met someone this weekend. Unfortunately, he was not the sexy captain of the Lacrosse team. His name is Grandpa Dave. He is the coach of the SLUTS. SLUTs stands for Seminole Ladies Ultimate Team. Ultimate as in Ultimate Frisbee. I was eating a salad at Chili's when I heard this old man voice demanding that Spongebob be put on the televisions. I was kind of annoyed that there was a drunk guy at a bar...Hmm... This seems wrong. He kept on messing with the bartender. I was getting really aggravated until I heard her call him Grandpa Dave. Suddenly, I was noticing that everyone who worked there was calling him Grandpa Dave.

Turns out, he was not drunk and everyone knew him up there and that is why he was picking on the bartender. After I gathered up some courage, I asked him why everyone was calling him that. He said the name came from when he started coaching the SLUTs. The girls called him that due to his older age. He said very sweetly, "I don't have any children or grandchildren of my own, and I sort of look at the girls like my children. I hope nothing bad every happens to any one of them, or of the people who take care of me here." I swear I was glad that a particularly sad moment of Edward Scissorhands was on the TV because I got sort of teary eyed. I've been emotional for some unknown reason all weekend, even the slightest things like this set me off. He proceeded to tell me about the SLUTs and his carpenter job and how he believed that it was Jesus who kept his business busy and making him a lot of money. Grandpa Dave's first job was for a lady in the Tallahassee Rotary Club and she lead him to all the church ladies who in turn have lead him to everyone they know, and we all know that church ladies know everyone.

Grandpa Dave was a lot more than what I was seeing with my eyes. All I saw was a tattered old sweat shirt, tangled white blonde hair, and a big crooked tooth grin; but he was so much more than that. He was quite a character, with a pretty sweet story. He paid for his bill and left the bartender a nice tip. The moral to this story is a tried an true one, do not judge a book by its cover. While his cover screamed homeless troublemaker, his chapters told of a heart of gold that beat for children who are not his. He thanked me for being good for conversation and left.

These are what my little outings alone normally turn into, a conversation with a cute waiter and a little chat with a stranger. I think everyone should go out by themselves every once in a while. Obviously, do not go somewhere by yourself where being by yourself is not safe, but try it sometime. It is quite invigorating and nice to examine the inner desires of your soul and mind. You might meet some incredible people along the way too.

Naked as a Jaybird

Hello all from my couch,

This couch is absolutely terrible to sleep on. I love leather because it stays clean and doesn't absorb smell, but when I try to sleep on this thing, I end up all hot and my face normally gets stuck to it.

I see people complaining a lot about crappy situations. I'd like to shine light on the fact that being in a situation that you hadn't planned on being in can be so much better than the original plan.

Whoa! I just had some serious deja vu. I think that is how it is spelled. But I swear I have been here before writing about what I am about to touch on. I have heard it said that if you experience deja vu, you are in the right place at the right time. Ma P is so wise. Guess I must be on time.

I have mentioned before a boy that I dated in high school. Well, this is the story about the first time I saw him naked. Don't get all excited you bunch of pervs, it is so not what you think. No kinky, steamy scene like Fifty Shades or anything like that. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time, but somehow it ended up being a night I'd never forget.

I had liked him for a long time, and at this point I was unfortunately cheating on my boyfriend at the time with him. In fact, the night this all happened, my boyfriend had just dropped me off at home when boy came and picked me up. I know, I am a complete jerk and I am so ashamed that I couldn't put my big girl panties on and just break up with the poor kid. Anyways, he was taking me somewhere I had always wanted to go: Winter Wonderland in St. Augustine. Winter Wonderland is where they turn this huge park into an icy dream world around Christmas time complete with a skating rink, an ice slide, real snow, horse drawn carriage rides, lights, and hot chocolate. He was the perfect amount of fun to do something like this with and I was dying to see him try and skate.

Boy picked me up as soon as my boyfriend left. We were on our way. When I asked him if he knew where he was going he said of course. Turns out, he has the direction intuition of a microwave. We got so lost. We were half way to Daytona when we realized and had to turn around. Both of our bellies were grumbling so we decided to stop and eat somewhere. We are both extremely fond of breakfast and saw a Denny's and went with it. We talked and laughed for a long time in our little booth. I fell a little deeper in love over our orange juice and bacon.

On the way home, I got super excited when I saw someone's headlight out in the traffic on the opposite side of the road. I freaked out and screamed bididdle and slammed my palm up on the roof of his truck. I had initiated our game of bididdle and told him to take it off.

Now, for those of you who do not know what bididdle is, it is played whilst driving down the road. You look for either head lights or tail lights that are out and the last one to hit the roof and say bididdle has to remove a piece of clothing from their body. Probably not the safest thing in the world to do, but neither is skydiving and people do that all the time. Boy was exceptionally competitive, and accepted my challenge with a promise I would regret this.

Naturally, he beat me, but only by one garment. I had to take my underwear off, thank goodness I wore cute ones. So there I was, stark ass naked with nothing but a seat belt for minor censoring in this boy's truck driving down a highly populated interstate. I already had my speech ready in case we got pulled over, "Well, you see officer, what had happened was...." I said it was only fair if he took his off. I was a sore loser. I thought for sure I would win and felt we should be on equal grounds. He fell for it when I started to pout. He took off his boxers and there we were. Just a driving as naked as jaybirds. We both just looked at each other and died laughing. I laughed so hard until it hurt. Not laughing at each other in a bad way, it was just fun. We rode like that and giggled until we were almost back to my house.

So, if you feel as though something isn't going like you planned, wait it out and see what happens anyways. I find that the best things in life are the ones that are unplanned. Hey, I was unplanned and I think I am pretty fabulous(huge bubble of ego floating around my head right now). I wouldn't trade that night for a pile of snow and a cup of coco any day. Even knowing what I know now. Do not regret things in life. There is too little time for that. Instead, turn them into wonderful stories. Your heart will be grateful for it.

Fire, Gasoline, and a Beast

Hello all from my love movie marathon,

Yes, I have broken down and watched a few sappy movies tonight. I love them all, I am such a sucker for them really. I must be a sadistic freak, because they always make me cry and even though I know I will get all choked up, I watch them anyways. Currently, Beastly is on. If you haven't heard of it, it is pretty much a modern day Beauty and the Beast. This boy is hateful and of course he is GORGEOUS, so a witch casts a spell on him to where someone has to love him when he is ugly. Obviously, the girl ends up falling for him, tattooed, scarred face, bald headed and all. In fact, when he reveals himself to her, she says, "I've seen worse."
Why can't this be real life? I wish some freaky looking dude would come get me and then turn out to be some hot guy whenever I kissed him. However, this is reality and my luck would be he would just be freaky looking and kidnap me.

I don't care about most of that stuff really. If you are nice, have a good heart, have a sense of humor, and I can dress you up, you are pretty much in with me. If you have dimples, long pretty eye lashes, freckles and are good looking, it's just an added bonus. Especially the first three though. Mhhmmm, those things make any man look good. Being able to rock a baseball hat old school is a bonus too. Not the slanted to the side or tilted up styles that are popular today, I mean regular old bill facing forward, low over the eyes style. Not too many men can pull this off correctly anymore. It is not in style anymore. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade. I think I belong in a time where sharing milkshakes and parking were cool. Anyone else out there think they belong in a different time?

Side story, I read something on the internet a few nights ago that if you cannot sleep, it is because you are awake in someone else's dream. Well, I'd like to tell whoever is constantly dreaming about me to give it a rest or come and find me because I am so tired of not being able to lay down and fall asleep like I used to. I swear I must be running laps in this person's dream. Let me sleep darn it! I dream about scary monsters and people who I have never met. I wonder if they are awake out there somewhere in the world. Actually, it is impossible for the brain to make up faces from scratch, so every face you see in your dreams, you have seen in real life somewhere before. Kind of like that Sleeping Beauty song "Once Upon a Dream." She talks about dancing and walking with someone, because she has seen him before. It's kind of nice when you think about the fact that the hot guy who drops his keys in the parking lot and thanks you for returning them with an amazing date and an even better kiss is real. Until you think about the murderer who killed you with a poisonous needle must also be real. Perfect. Logic sucks.

Anyways, I try to go for substance over style. Except for the depressing fact that I have not actually dated anyone with substance. Actually the last boyfriend didn't have style either, he still wears jorts... Looks like I have been slacking in both categories. But not anymore. This is my public vow... I've had someone I could talk to, really talk to, who ended up being an asshole unfortunately. I've been the asshole in a few situations too. By no means am I trying to make myself sound like I am perfect. I hurt someone real bad in high school, and it hurts my heart to think that I was so cruel. But going for true substance over style will be my goal this time around. I am a girl for Heaven's sake, give me a comb, an ironed shirt, and a nice pair of dark wash jeans and I can give him some style. You can't give someone substance, except for the tiny little piece that is you that is missing. If you can't have a conversation with someone about old movies or books or what you want out of life, what is there really?

I was at yoga tonight, which is what inspired this little substance vs. style debacle. After an hour of being put into very compromising positions and lots of deep breathing (sounds more like sex than exercise), my teacher Kelly left us with an inspirational quote. I guess she was trying to make sure she incorporated the mind into this mind, body, and spirit training. She said, "If you want to truly live, you must first set your life on fire. Find someone who will fan your flames." While in balasana, I immediately thought of the Hunger Games which has nothing to do with any of this, just throwing in some proof of how random I truly am. But what she means is, find someone who will enhance the spark inside that you already have, not someone who will dull your embers back into black coal. So, all my single folks out there, do you first, do not settle like leaves at the bottom of a pond. Fill your life with substance first, like placing wood in a pit for a fire. The more logs you have, the bigger it will be. Then, when you have reached your max, find someone with a substance so fierce, it will make the biggest and brightest of flames. If you only throw paper on a fire, the flame will burn bright for a few seconds, then die out. This is because it has no substance. Don't find someone with paper. Find someone with gasoline.