Hello all!
Wow, it has been waaaaay too long since I said that last. I have no excuses to offer up as to why, except for the last time I wrote something on here, my heart wasn't in it, and that really bothered me to the point of pretty much quitting something I thoroughly enjoyed. Looking back on the date of some of my last posts, I think I was just sort of coming out of a funk. Not an excuse for going ghost, but my mind and heart were definitely on other things.
SO, I am pretty sure where I really left off was my best friend's wedding. Two more of my dearest ones have been wed since then, I had the honor of being in both. From them I took many hilarious tales that I cannot wait to spin to y'all. Me? Am I married? Nah, not yet. But there is a boy, a Nick, locked back in our bedroom (per his choice, not like I am keeping him against his will (well, maybe just a little)) right now, so I guess you could say things are moving right along. He accompanied me to Cassie's wedding, and I think I told you of him. That was two years ago and he still hasn't left the house screaming, flailing his arms in terror, so I'm thinking he's here to stay. He's fucking phenomenal, and that is all there is to it.
Besides love, I was recently hired on at the best provider of health care in the world. No, I will not actually be providing that care, as I was unfortunately (devastatingly, depressingly, all hope is lost-ingly) not accepted into nursing school. Oh, yeah. I don't think I've told you, but after like waaaay too much time with my thumb up my ass, I decided that I want to be a Nurse Anesthetist (still have to use spell check for that one). Actually, I did not decide that, Cassie did. While she, Matt (her husband), Nick and I were walking up to Doak Campbell stadium for a football game, she casually was like, "Dude, have you ever thought of this, you should do it." And I was all like, "No, I haven't thought of that, but that's why you are around, to help me plan my life, so yeah imma do that." And the ball was set to rolling from there. Very slowly rolling, like barely moving rolling, but whatever. Baby steps, bitch. So, I will not be saving lives, but rather being a great pretender. That's right folks, your girl is going back to acting. And... HALLELUJAH, PRAISE THE LORD, BECAUSE I HAVE SO MISSED IT!!!!! I haven't really scratched my dramatic itch since high school. I tried out in Tallahassee a few times, it never amounted to anything, so I kind of gave it up. Another one of my loves thrown out because of discouragement. What a fucking shame. But I am back at it so, yay!
What I will actually be doing is working in simulation lab. Basically, I will be a pretend patient (or medical professional, coworker, family member of a patient, etc), and let the professionals "practice" on me. Not like practice surgery on me or anything crazy like that, but like scenarios that are likely to occur in the physician's/ allied health personnel's day. It could be anything from acting out active labor, sexual harassment between coworkers, relaying "bad news" to family members, etc.... IT'S LIKE GOD MADE THIS POSITION FOR ME! I AM SO FREAKING STOKED.
It's funny though, I never wanted this position. In fact, I didn't even know it existed. I had been applying to a position in their lab for around a year, it so far has amounted to no success. One night, frustrated and probably 4 glasses of wine in, I began perusing other openings. I clicked on one called "Standardized Patient" because I was like, "wtf is a standardized patient?" Fate and alcohol were guiding me towards something I didn't even know I wanted. I submitted my application, not expecting anything, and got called for an interview not long after. Still not expecting anything, I went into the interview and immediately fell in love with the people, the workplace, and idea of the position. They even made me "act" out a scenario as part of my interview! It was so much fun, I started to really really want it. I went from not really caring one way or another, to praying, hoping, and wishing it would be me they called back. Shock, surprise, they did!
The job is part time, which is cool with me. That means I still get to go hang out with my littlest homies. Yep, I still nanny. Fate happened in that one too. The lady I work for is actually someone I met while I nannied for Reagan and Brantley. She and I took the girls to the same gymnastics class. Later, she sold me her super nice West Elm sleeper sofa, and now I watch her girls. We can't seem to get rid of each other, so I guess we have to be life long friends!
Let's see, anything else? Probably, there's so much! Oh, yeah, I moved. Went from good ole Glen Saint Mary over to Riverside. For the most part, it is awesome. The other part is not having a backyard to let my two huge dogs out into, which makes all the awesomeness less awesome. When I lived in the boondocks I would just throw open the door and let them go flying down the stairs to go do their thing. It was such a freedom, to be able to walk to the door, eyes crusty as hell with sleep, completely butt ass naked, and just fling the door wide and say, "be free hounds, go do your poops." Now, I actually have to get dressed and walk them on leashes, which is a novelty to Eli, Rampage, and I. Trying to get them to shit while on the leash was hilarious for the first few days of them trying to get it. Eli still lifts his leg to drop a load, and that usually happens right up against a tree. He doesn't get that you don't actually have to lift your leg to get the job done. I long for the days when I could just let them be, without even getting dressed. I hear public nudity is frowned upon around here, though you wouldn't really know it. Living in the city has been an interesting transition. You see the wildest things. Like one night, while taking an innocent stroll with my man and pups, playing PokemonGo, we happened upon some folks casually humping each other on the beautiful stone benches of Memorial Park. That's right, totally banging on the bench. I was just trying to catch a damn Charmander, instead I was treated to some TNA. They did not appear to really give a shit. We quickly left, because obviously, what the hell was I supposed to do about that? Looking back now, I really wish I had stayed and done one of three things: 1- walked Rampage (our huge Rottweiler) over to where they were and let him lick the guy on the ass, 2- walked up, paused with a citical look on my face and comment, "wow, nice technique, I never thought of doing it like that, " or 3- running up and pushing them off the bench. Just to see the tangle of clothes and limbs go flying into the bushes and dirt would have been enough to set my silent giggles about random events up for at least the rest of the year. It would have been perfect too, because they wouldn't have been able to tell on me without telling on themselves, so I would have gotten away with my one and only criminal act (I guess that is assault).
I suppose that is enough for now. I could go on, but I am watching Family Guy for like the 8694244th time and my little weak ass eyes can't handle the computer screen glare anymore. I solemnly swear that I will not take a sabbatical like that again. Seriously, the joy I get from sitting here and putting this stuff down somewhere is insurmountable. So, stay tuned if you like. I've got a feeling it's going to be fun.
