Hello all from the roof of the loft,
Although it is below 40 degrees tonight in The Glen, I have found it rather appropriate to bundle up in some blankets and sit outside. Yes, even though I look like a dragon snorting smoke from my nose with every breath I breathe, and even though I will probably end up with a garden variety cold sometime in the near future, I could not stay inside. For whatever reason, God found it perfectly okay to make the clearest skies on the coldest nights. If you know me, you know that I love the stars. They are by far one of my favorite beauties in this world, the 8th wonder of the world so to speak. To gaze upon them is to forget the world around instantaneously, even if for just a moment. You can talk to them and they will blink at you in recognition; that they understand everything you care and worry about.
I came out here tonight because I have been having an "ugh-ly day."
"Cara's Dictionary" is an unpublished literary masterpiece of the made-up, nonsensical words, terms, short sayings, and expressions that I use on a daily basis. Right under "Ugh" which is defined as the (1) the slight growling, choking noise I make in light of disgust (2) the semi-verbal expression I make when I do not wish to do something, is something I call an "ugh-ly day."
When one is having an "ugh-ly day" she looks in the mirror and sees herself as somewhat of a troll. Everything from a Gucci suit to some tattered old sweats that belonged to ole whats-his-face make you look fat and disgusting. No matter how much make up you slap on your face, you still appear to be recovering from some sort of illness, and your damn hair just will not fall the right way. You can drape yourself in scarves and deck out your neck in jewels and still feel understated and unnoticeable. You feel gross, are in a bad mood, can't seem to do anything right that day. AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU JUST FEEL BUTT FREAKING UGLY.
Well, I was having one of those days today towards the end of the day. I felt pretty good when I woke up at noon today, my belly was looking a little bit flatter upon my newest routine of checking it out in the morning. I was actually really pleased, because I was looking and feeling healthier than I had since before I started my daily 4 mile interval walk/jog back on the 26th of December. I was noticing a difference, or at least I thought I was.
With all the confidence and gusto in the world, I went down to my Nanny and Papa's house and stepped proudly onto the scale. When I peeked down at that always unforgiving, little bitch of a digital screen, I felt a stab of regret at ever doing so. Needless to say, I was not pleased with what I saw.
Trying not to feel discouraged, actually I was feeling more inspired to work harder, I went to tackle my daily 4 miles. This time, I employed my cousin Willis to come with me to keep me company. He is training to be a firefighter, so he was about to push me to keep up with him. He was making me jog, sprint, (juggle while doing back flips) all the way down 90 with precious few minutes of walking in between. Well, they seemed short to me anyways, he was looking forward to each little jogging interval with pride. At the end of it I was exhausted. I am pretty sure I sprained something, popped some blood vessels in my eyes, and broke both of my shins, but I FREAKING DID IT! I felt so accomplished and it was awesome.
The "ugh-ly day" set in when I was putting on clothes to go to Cassie's house for the airing of our Sunday show, Downton Abbey. Side note: Watch Downton Abbey, seriously do yourself a favor and get hooked.
I just wanted to be comfortable so I threw on some of my workout leggings. My little belly roll seemed to be more noticeable than usual so I searched for a flowy shirt. But to my disdain, nothing made me feel right. I mean, I know I was just going to Cassie's house and she couldn't care less if I showed up wearing nipple pasties and strap on, but I just wanted to look decent! Really, I just wanted to feel decent, and for whatever reason, I wasn't getting to that. I wanted to be the perfect balance of carefree and amazing, but I just could not achieve such a look. For goodness sake, I wore a lavender t-shirt with a damn unicorn and rainbow on it the other day and somehow looked better and felt better than I did tonight in my mint Ralph Lauren button up.
I was starting to get frustrated and upset. Every item of clothing I put on, I kept pointing out more and more flaws on my body, face; even the atmosphere around me felt off. My hair was being weird and my face was "a whole nother" disaster. I was spiraling into a pit of ugh-ly so deep that the whole Sephora store could not have rescued me and pulled me to the surface of pretty once again.
I finally settled for my black athletic leggings, a black tank top and a charcoal cardigan- an outfit that matched my whiny emo mood.
Somehow, I managed to enjoy Downton as usual. This show sort of has that effect on me. It also makes me want to speak in my fine British accent and say things like, "I'll say goodnight." I listened to the Glee version of "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty" on the way home, along with Sex on Fire and Lay Me Down several times. But that marvelous mash-up that the producers of Glee decided to put into the show started to speak to me. Basically this is what it was whispering to my soul:
There are a lot of things in the world that are going to make you feel unpretty. Maybe you are out shopping and everything you try on looks wrong or doesn't fit. Perhaps you are getting ready to go out for the first time after a bad break up and you realize you should have curled your hair instead of straightened it just a little too late, and now you are left with a do that is a cross between Hermione Granger and Simba. You might have stepped on the scale and the numbers you saw were just too damn high. Maybe someone has done the unthinkable and actually told you that you were not sufficiently esthetically pleasing to the eye, and even though you know they are stupid and wrong, something stirs in your stomach and tells you that they are right.
How do you handle these horrid "ugh-ly days"? Surely there has to be some sort of combative technique you can break out and kick this thing in the ass! Well, I am pleased to tell you that there are certain things you might be able to do to beat these unsightly blues away. Some are sort of silly, but this is how I do it.
1) Go for a walk on a sidewalk that runs through a nice part of town- Seriously, nothing says confidence booster like a redneck in a jacked up truck honking his horn at you. Wear some sunglasses and don't really look into the vehicle to see who it is. 9 times out of 11 it probably is some redneck with a fat dip in his lip making the cat call, but if you just smile and keep walking you can pretend it was James Franco in a sleek, black convertible.
2) Play dress up- It doesn't matter if you are going to the gas station or to dinner at the Taj Mahal, you put an outfit on that makes you feel like a supermodel and rock it to the fullest. Let the neck line plunge deeper than the Mariana Trench, let your hair down in sex kitten curls, and let the heels be tall so you can tower over all of the people who make you feel small. Put on those red lips and pearls like you are a headliner in a Burlesque show. Wear black, or whatever color makes you feel like a total bad ass. But never forget what that adorable redheaded orphan told us, you are never fully dressed without a smile:)
3) Take yourself on a date- Yep, you and that sexy outfit go out to lunch somewhere fabulous. It doesn't have to be a five star restaurant, more like the quaint little cafe that you adore so much. The one with the amazing dessert bar with that piece of cake that you would eat every day if your calorie count would allow it. Order you a coffee and a slice of something sweet and just savor the moment. Sit there and smile so big that people look at you and wonder what secret you are guarding that makes you so happy. Sometimes, we just need something a little sweet to make us feel like a new person. After all, a spoonful of sugar makes the ugh-ly go away. Or something like that anyways!
4) Take a drive- Second to a good long walk, is a drive in your car with the windows down and your favorite playlist blaring through the speakers. I have a playlist on my Iphone that is specific for this sort of ride. It is titled perfectly: FBGM. Translation: Fuck Boys, Get Money. This playlist is full of Beyonce and Reba McEntire and it really speaks to my soul on these sorts of days. Any song about being a sexy lady is great! Make you a playlist full of your favorite run-the-world songs, put all of the windows down letting your hair blow around your face, pull those Jackie-O RayBans down over your eyes, turn the heater on your feet and just jam out like Ozzie Osbourn.
**Fellas, I am sorry to be sort of leaving you out in this post. But hey, you can do this too!Maybe not so much on the letting your hair down in sex kitten curls, but maybe getting cleaned up at the barber instead. There is such thing as a male version of an ugh-ly day: I call it a mugh-ly day. These mugh-ly days are typically brought on by whiny girlfriends, a crappy day at work, spilling your protein shake on your new Sperry's, etc. SO, if you are having a mugh-ly day, go to the that favorite hole in the wall bar with your mates and have a few cold ones. On the way there, turn your favorite playlist on. My brother's phone has several things titled Fuck Bitches, Get Money so I know you can do this! I suggest "99 Problems" to be number one on your playlist. I know we ladies can be a pain, but if yours has become an actual problem and is causing you to have multiple mugh-ly days every week, tell that beeotch to get to stepping. For those of you who have wonderful girlfriends who are not the root of your mugh-ly day, remember, sex is probably the best cure to any sort of day you are having, including a mugh-ly one. Put on that crisp Ralph Lauren button up and take her out on a just dessert date. (Hint- bring some of that chocolate fondue home;) ) We love dates, especially cute ones. Believe it or not, you will feel better just by seeing us happy and surprised.
(I know this sounds like some sort of trick, a girl telling you to take your girl out on a date to make yourself feel better, but I promise this is something I have heard from several men. They are happier when they are having a good time with their girl. Plus, any man who takes his gal out for chocolate fondue is definitely getting laid, thus ending the mugh-ly day instantaneously, Chocolate and sex= a win for you).
5)Call your mom- like I don't even have to really go into detail about this one. Call your mom, your Nanny, your favorite auntie, whoever has the best confidence in you and will shower you with compliments to the point to where you have to tell them to shut up because it becomes almost annoying. Dads don't really get this sort of thing, and you might freak them out crying about being ugly and how you are never going to get a boyfriend because nothing fits and you'll have to live with him and nine cats and a bird name Patty for the rest of your life because you are unfit to be seen by the world. I mean, dads are great to talk to, I talk to mine all the time, but maybe save him the confusion of you crying on the phone for 15 minutes about how your boobs just don't sit right. He will thank you for it.
6) Watch the stars- Kind of cliche, I know, but it is one of my favorite things to do. I said earlier that they just sort of understand you and seem to wink at you to let you know that your worries and cares are being heard and handled. That's because the Big Man Himself is up there listening to everything in your heart, even the things you don't say. I like to go sit on this green tin roof and just look at the stars. I think that they are the most beautiful thing that He ever made. I don't think He makes ugly things, bad things, hurtful things. That is the world and it's hateful ways that make you hurt and just feel unpretty. So, then, when I think about it, I must be pretty simply because He made me, too. That's the game ender on an ugh-ly day.
There are going to be days where your clothes just don't look right, your hair isn't falling the right way, and your face is a totally different disaster. There are going to be days that your whole spirit is just dampened. Ugh-ly days aren't just about looking bad, it could be anything to make you feel down. It is going to happen, but when they come, just remind yourself that you are amazing while you sip on that white chocolate latte, with the windows down and the heater on your feet, and Fancy blaring up through the sunroof up into the stars. Remember y'all, never, never ever let anyone make you feel unpretty. And if there is someone in your life making you feel that way, tell them like Beyonce and step to the left out of your life and that you can find a better them in a minute.
